How to fill the inner void. Emptiness inside: everything seems to be fine, but the inner emptiness torments
Question to a psychologist
Hello! My name is Anna, I am 20 years old, I study at the institute. I really wanted to enter this institute, I am studying to be a doctor, and when I entered, I only dreamed of getting this profession. As far as personal life is concerned, young man I do not have. A year ago, I broke up with a man with whom we had been together for about three years, I simply dissolved in him, we had a very difficult relationship, we either converged or diverged. We were going to get married, but about a year ago we broke up for good. Later we tried to get together, but nothing worked out for us. Six months after we broke up, I started a relationship with another young man, but they did not lead to anything good. I fell in love again, but he did not do very well with me, in the end I was again left with a broken heart.
Now, in essence: for the last two months, or maybe more, I think even about six months, I began to notice that I was sick of everything, literally everything, I didn’t want anything. Recent times there is a feeling of unbearable emptiness inside, as if everything was squeezed out of me, sucked out, I don’t have enough strength or desire for anything, neither for study, nor for any pleasure. Very often I fall into a state of tearfulness, irritability and aggression, almost everything around me annoys me. I am often dissatisfied with myself, my body, my appearance, my relationship with my parents, my academic success, my attitude to life, the people around me, the current situation and, in general, the whole surrounding reality. I put off almost all cases, problems or important issues until the last minute, I don’t know how and I don’t want to solve them. There are days when I can relax, devote a whole day or two to myself, but I don’t want ANYTHING ... On such days I can just sit stupidly and do nothing, because I just don’t want anything. And then I get the feeling that I am wasting my time, that it is slipping out of my hands, that I will not achieve anything, that I will not be in time. It often seems that I am rolling into complete obscurity, I cannot understand what I want, what I need, it seems to me that I am going with the flow and cannot change anything. I'm afraid to look into the future, I'm afraid to be left alone, no one needs. I feel like I’m in some kind of prostration, I often come home and lock myself in a room and don’t want to see anyone, I don’t want to think about anything, I’m so tired of everything, I want to go to bed as soon as possible, knock out my brain and fall asleep ... I just want to run away or evaporate. How to get rid of this feeling of emptiness, what should I do, where to look for the problem?
Psychologists Answers
Hello Anna.
I'm afraid that the letters will hardly help you sort yourself out.
Does your city have good professionals- choose and go to the reception...
It is believed that you get out of the "disease" almost as much time as you enter it.
Good answer 6 bad answer 2Hello Anna! Let's try to figure out what might be happening to you - there is some diagnostic information in your letter - for example, that you dissolved in past relationships - then converged, then diverged and in the end nothing happened - in this regard, we can make an assumption that it was your dissolution in a partner, leaving yourself and the fact that you became a continuation of it and made the young man move away from you - in general, because it turns out that you delved too deeply - and at the same time you actually felt comfortable, why - because they were looking for themselves in it! and in the end - he did not see you! and you didn't see yourself!
then there were other relationships - again in which you dissolved and did NOT see what was happening in reality - after all, as you say, he did not treat you well - but it did not happen on the same day, it is possible that earlier you did not pay attention to some disturbing calls or interpreted in a completely different way and again a gap - again pain, again you are left alone ...
and that in the end you are left alone with yourself, while completely NOT realizing who you really are? what are you? - this is a matter of acceptance - you were looking for yourself in others, and now you are faced with the fact that you have nowhere to look for yourself and what is happening - breaking .... you are in a state of apathy, stress, irritation, you see these sources outside and all this will only close the circle around you more ...
what to do? find yourself? understand and accept! analyze past relationships, get rid of the codependency that you create - after all, your contribution to shaping what is happening is also there, and only when you see it, only then will you be able to control your life and everything that happens around you - DO NOT look for yourself outside, just be yourself!!!
Anna, if you really decide to figure out what is happening and how you can get out of this situation - feel free to contact me - call - I will only be happy to help you!
Good answer 1 bad answer 0 
Anna, your desire (not realized!) to leave, to die (so many phrases are about this: " Everything was squeezed out of me, sucked out, I don’t have enough strength or desire for anything”, “I’m rolling into complete obscurity”, “go to bed, cut off my brain and fall asleep” and repeatedly repeated “I don’t want anything” ...). Your choice. It was not without reason that the profession of a doctor was chosen - someone was on the verge of life and death or died early (tragically), some pictures from the past related to this topic. What happened at the time to which you attribute the exacerbation of this uncomfortable state (six months)?
Well, and important - "I just dissolved in it" - is it like sugar in tea? Then it is clear that the forces ... have disappeared. Go see a psychologist for a consultation. You can also come to me, I do family constellations. An efficient method.
Good answer 7 bad answer 1, Comments on the feeling of emptiness disabled
Elena, hello!
I have some kind of constant feeling of emptiness, I do not have enough energy to achieve my goals, it seems to me that my life seems to be passing me by.
I am 26 years old, I am married and have a wonderful son. Everything seems to be well. Good relationship with my husband. I got the education I wanted. Now on maternity leave, but I have the opportunity to work several times a week for experience. The child is beautiful, healthy, developed, cheerful. The parents are alive. I don't even know how else to describe this condition. It feels like hands are tied. Although they seem to be free. I don't have close friends. And it doesn't bother me. I get tired of intimate relationships very quickly. I don't want to open up to anyone. I do not want to show my problems and weaknesses. Although I am sociable, I always find mutual language with people and in principle I know that those around me love and respect.
My life is clear and predictable, I know how to plan my time well, everything works out for me, I always manage to do everything, I am responsible. But at the same time, I know that if I don’t do something from my usual affairs, the world will not collapse, nothing will happen. To be honest, I feel like some kind of robot. Who is outwardly handsome, strong, cheerful, very correct, educated, but inside without a soul. Feeling that I am powerless to change anything in my life. And no matter how hard I try, it's all in vain. How can I overcome this condition? Where do you get the energy to achieve your goals? What could be the reason for such a state, the state of the film that I am watching from the side? What happened with me?
Best regards, Nina
Hello Nina.
Thank you for your interest in my section.
Unfortunately, there is little information in your letter that would make it possible to understand what is wrong with you, but usually such a feeling of emptiness happens when a person does not correspond to his own desires, but to someone else's.
Perhaps your way of determining what you want has been so changed since childhood that you confuse your desires with an orientation to other people's values. At the same time, a protest may sit inside, disappointment that your true desires are not realized, therefore there is no joy in life.
If there is no energy to achieve goals, then two reasons can be assumed: either you don’t really need these goals, but you need something completely different, or you have unpleasant experiences that deprive you of energy. That's just the reasons for these experiences, if any, cannot be judged by your message, because you write about what is good, and not about what is bad.
Do you have a habit of drowning out thoughts about troubles or beliefs that you need to concentrate on the good and forget about the bad? It is impossible to drown out only negative emotions, and leave positive ones, therefore, those who adhere to such beliefs may lose their taste for life and feel empty in their souls.
If you start to live not only positive, but also, then the feeling of emptiness can pass. To live means not to force out of consciousness and not to drown out with other deeds and thoughts, but to be upset or angry until this state passes by itself. It also means telling your family what you don't like, getting angry at them sometimes, being in bad mood. Negative emotions are just as important a part of your personality as positive ones, so by giving up on them, you are giving up a part of yourself.
In Western culture, the expression "inner emptiness" is used to denote a state close to: lack of meaning in life, a feeling of an acute lack of something inexplicable, a loss and a sense of self-worth. Probably, everyone is familiar with the sensations that we define as inner emptiness, and everyone knows that this emptiness wants to be filled with something as soon as possible, to get rid of it. At the same time, in Eastern cultures - Buddhism, Hinduism, etc. - the inner emptiness is. Having reached the state of emptiness, one attains enlightenment. This paradox interested me very much, and I decided to consider the inner emptiness from different points of view.
Inner Emptiness and Meditation
When a person meditates, he achieves a complete cessation of the flow of thoughts. When these thoughts are absent, nothing defines a person, he is freed from the shackles of his physical body, mind and worldview. This can be defined as complete freedom or emptiness, while no one at the time feels that his existence is meaningless, on the contrary, we feel unity with the Universe, we are this Universe. All practices aimed at comprehending one's inner emptiness do not aim to drive a person into depression. On the contrary, having known his emptiness, a person learns that emptiness and fullness are one and the same. Only in a state of such inner emptiness can one feel all the greatness of the human essence, divine forces and the world in which we live.
Inner emptiness and intuition
Feeling the inner emptiness, we strive to fill it, often without understanding, but what, in fact, needs to be filled? With the usual "antidepressants" on hand - food, alcohol, parties, movies and TV shows - we easily learned to get rid of the unpleasant feeling of emptiness. But, since these measures are only temporary, the feeling will become stronger and return more often if you do not find out the true cause of the void and do not fill it. In this case, I suggest using emptiness as an intuitive knowledge - an inner voice tells you that something is missing, and your task is to tune in to the wave of this voice and understand what exactly you are missing.
You can do a little meditation to find out the causes of inner emptiness. Just do, stop the flow of thoughts and concentrate on the feeling of emptiness. Ask the question: “What do you want to say, emptiness? What am I missing? What is the purpose of your presence?" Now, in the complete silence of your consciousness, you will hear the answer. You may have to wait or ask clarifying questions about the situation. Be sure to write down all the thoughts that came to your mind upon exiting the meditation, even if they seemed chaotic - in the future you can work with them.
Perhaps, even without meditation, you understand why you feel emptiness, but you are afraid to admit it to yourself. , self-dislike, are the most common causes of this feeling. You can read about how to deal with them on this site.
Emptiness as a resource
If you do not wander thoughts and feelings in the past or future, the "bad" inner emptiness will not overtake you. Feeling unity with nature and people, feeling like a part of the boundless Universe, a person feels a “good” emptiness, and this is possible only if you are here and now. Such emptiness can become an inexhaustible resource, because it brings an understanding of the limitless possibilities that the world opens up for us. Do not fight with inner emptiness, turn it into a source of motivation. For example, you can decide to fill yourself with only positive experiences, useful knowledge and pleasant.
Question to the psychologist:
Hello! My name is Svetlana, I'm 18. After the New Year, looking in the mirror, I realized that I got better again, before that I was able to lose extra pounds, as I always dreamed of. My brother always called me "fat". although with a height of 170 I am cheerful 62 kg, in principle this is the norm. Entering another city, moving to a hostel, I gained weight from 54 to 56-57. Having lost weight, I became more decisive, more talkative, I was able to tell people what I really think. But after the New Year, I seemed to have been replaced. I looked in the mirror and was horrified, I'm too scary, too not beautiful, too fat ... Well, I began to act.
Yes, I did it, I did it. But I didn’t become happier, everything just got worse. My self-esteem dropped even more, I began to withdraw into myself again, to hate myself.
Currently, my weight is 44 kg, but I am not satisfied with my reflection in the mirror, but I do not consider myself thin, on the contrary ...
But I understand that it is impossible to lose weight further. I have been holding this weight for about two months now. Now I eat enough calories a day, about 1800. I don't know what to do, now I'm on vacation, now I'm with my family. I can't stop counting calories, worrying about the food I eat, if I overeat, then the "white friend" is waiting for me.
Looking in the mirror, I see how I am getting better, although the figure on the scales has not changed for a long time. There is no person to whom I could tell everything that is in my soul, but I really want to, I miss such a person. I have no one to talk to, I have a couple of friends, but just friends who are completely untrustworthy.
I don’t understand myself at all, I don’t understand what I need, I don’t know what to do, I don’t have a favorite pastime, I’m not interested in anything at all. NOTHING. There is emptiness in my soul, eternal depression ... I can cry, yell for no reason. I close myself. . I constantly think that I have no reason to live anymore ... I can’t find the point to move on. Why move on, why do something, achieve something, build relationships with someone, if we die anyway. Days fly too fast and too monotonous. A void inside of me that I can't get out of. I don't know how to get out of all this. Please, help!
The psychologist answers the question.
Hello Svetlana!
Problems related to food, its use, the so-called eating disorders, unfortunately, are now very, very common among girls and young women. These problems are essentially a symptom of internal conflicts of the individual. And making efforts to fight the symptom, as you understand, is practically useless ... It's like not scratching dermatitis with willpower, and hoping that it will pass from it ... In addition, the use of willpower in cases where it is basically useless is fraught with inevitable relapses that cause bouts of intense emptiness, feelings of powerlessness and depression.
I see, Svetlana, from your letter that you yourself realized that the problem is not in the ability to control food intake (to eat or not to eat, and if so, what and how much), but in those inner experiences that your soul is filled with. You know how to control perfectly, and you yourself probably understand this, you have no problem with this. But, as you yourself wrote, you can control yourself, but this does not make you happier. On the contrary, dissatisfaction with oneself and life is aggravated…. A logical conclusion suggests itself - the more efforts we make to control ourselves, drive deep into our own essence and forcibly hold it there, the more unhappy we become ...
Svetlana, I can assume that you are currently experiencing a so-called existential crisis: the loss of the meaning of life in its highest sense (i.e., the question is tormented: “why does a person live at all, and since I don’t see the answer, then why do I live?” ?"). This is a painful stage for every person. It happens that during the life of such periods there is more than one, or even two ... Of course, such a crisis, which manifested itself during the period of your “experiments” with appearance, maximally strengthened others internal conflicts, and exacerbated the eating disorder symptom.
Svetlana, there is a way out. And it’s time to start working on gradually recognizing yourself (through immersion in your own personality), on “letting go” of yourself from under your own tyrannical control, on accepting yourself as a result - it’s time already!
There is such a phenomenon in psychotherapy. A person's understanding of the true cause of his symptom (depression, addiction, phobias, etc.) weakens the manifestation of the symptom. Understanding the cause is not yet the final solution to the problem, it is only half the battle before a person begins to transform his personality - but, nevertheless, this understanding already weakens the symptoms.
Therefore, I suggest that you start by giving as much time as possible to introspection every day. Keep a diary and write down all your thoughts there. You are far from alone in the fact that there is no such person nearby to whom you can pour out your soul and tell everything about yourself and your experiences. Write in a diary. But try to analyze it. Remember in as much detail as possible what you thought, felt and did at the time when all “this” started with you. Try to see some relationship between events and what decisions you made. Etc.
Try to think more about yourself, your soul. You are an ass to yourself. You write that you don't understand yourself, you don't know... But try to solve this riddle.
It is very difficult to answer the question of what it means to “accept yourself”, “love yourself”. We more or less understand what it means to accept and love another, but as for ourselves ...
In fact, everything is not so difficult. To accept yourself means to stop criticizing, scolding, blaming, reproaching yourself, forcing you to do something for the sake of someone else's opinion and stop being ashamed of yourself. Acceptance of yourself will automatically mean that you love yourself;)
But how to do that? And here you need to be persistent and consistent and try not to forget (especially on the first priests, until it has become a habit) to stop internal dialogues with self-accusation, scolding yourself, criticism, constant thoughts about what and how to do to please others and earn their approval by trying to control your regimen and needs for food, sleep, movement. You just need to consciously stop, say “stop” and ask yourself for forgiveness for such self-pressure. Praise yourself more often, approve, even if it doesn’t seem to you that you are “worthy” of praise. Talk to yourself kindly. How affectionate mother talks to her little daughter. The daughter, perhaps, did not do anything outstanding, and from a third-party view, she is by no means a smart girl, and not a beauty, but her mother approves of her, supports her, tells her: “my smart girl, my beauty,” and the child blossoms, gets inspired, comes into his soul peace and tranquility.
Here you are, Svetlana, try with yourself, as with a child: “my smart girl, my sweetie,” etc. ;)
Svetlana, it is also very important to look for inspiration. We all need inspiration for self-development and self-improvement. And especially when going through spiritual crises (such as yours).
I recently read Brené Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection. Now I recommend it to my clients as a great inspiration. Good book!
In addition, for many years one of the most outstanding books that are recommended to read during periods of loss of meaning in life is Viktor Frankl's book "Say Yes to Life".
Svetlana, all the best to you. If there is an opportunity, address to the psychologist internally in occasion of internal dissatisfaction. Group work (group therapy) is also very good. Start making friends with yourself! Just don't betray yourself, don't abandon yourself, take care! And you will definitely understand yourself. This will be self love. Good luck!
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The emptiness inside is, first of all, a religious problem. After all, what is "religion"? This word itself comes from the Latin "religare", which means "reunite", "restore". Accordingly, religion also means the restoration of a lost connection. What is the lost connection? We have already said that when a person fell into sin, he himself severed the connection that connected him with God. And so a person toils all his life, strives - often unconsciously - to change something in his life. He understands that something is wrong, but he does not know what to change. Lives - as if going with the flow, trying to get some pleasure. Someone, in order to feel the “fullness” of life, picks up a bottle or drugs. Someone goes up the career ladder, plunges into power, rejoices in this power, someone rejoices in wealth and consumerism. But all these joys are transitory. Then the person still remains with nothing and understands - not that!
And a religious person, through the God-revealed book, understands what happened and what he is looking for. He lacks connection with God. He is looking for how to restore this connection, to fill the place where the emptiness has formed. All religion, ecclesiasticism, Christianity - is the restoration of the lost connection. We are like embryos whose umbilical cord has been cut: we seem to live for some time, but we do not get what we should receive, and we toil. And we will stop toiling only when we find the Lord for ourselves. If you ask any person: “Would you like to live in love, peace and kindness?”, Everyone would answer: “Of course, yes!” And look reality in the face: in the family people quarrel, do not understand each other, friends quarrel, relatives sometimes fight so much that they do not maintain relations for half their lives. And globally, people are destroying each other by the millions. And with all this, everyone wants to live in love and peace. But it does not work, because the connection with God is lost.
Or, for example, every person has a feeling that he is actually not the same as he is now! “Now I’m a little bad, but in fact I’m better. And someday I'll be good. Now I can’t do it yet, only until I match my own “I”. And a person lives with this discrepancy all his life.
Or the person is perfectly aware that he is mortal. But in the depths of his soul he has a conviction: "I will always be." I think that if a zealous atheist does not deceive himself, he will admit that even he has a clear conviction: "I will always be." All these contradictions in life are due to the fact that we cut this “umbilical cord”, cut off the connection with the Lord.
In order to bring all this into line, so that this fullness of life finally comes, we must unite with God. But how? - Learning to love.
o.Tikhon (Shevkunov)
