The established way of life squeezes the vise of men to whom everyday life seems like a prison.

Between the ages of 37 and 40, the midlife crisis is more severe in men than in women.

The established way of life squeezes the vise of men to whom everyday life seems like a prison. Here it is worth paying close attention to the indirect causes of the midlife crisis in men. Some of them are recommended to follow in advance:

Health. By the age of 40, there is a decline in vitality and the body begins to experience the first difficulties - from chronic diseases before the first signs of erectile dysfunction. Even if a person is completely healthy, natural physical changes appear - heralds of approaching old age. Your own appearance in the eyes of a man is of great value. It's not easy to accept.

Change of roles. Do not forget that by this period men have to take on more responsibility. At home, where children are growing up, or at work, where less experienced colleagues come for advice. Some men may not be ready for this. In addition, the role reversal signals that youth has formally passed.

Self-immersion. Questions begin to torment the soul: Have I become happier? How did I live the first half of my life? Were there really important and right actions? Often people who have achieved a lot feel lonely and tired, despite successes and career ups.

The midlife crisis is perfectly illustrated by the proverb about the gray hair in the beard and the demon in the rib. It is by the age of 40 that the dreams of youth seem more and more attractive. By this age, a wife is perceived as a partner or mother, and a man needs female attention and admiration, which young girls generously bestow on him. Self-affirmation through new relationships makes it easier to overcome the crisis, but worsens the existing life.

I'm good!

Psychologists recommend that you stop evaluating yourself as a robot. Don't let perfectionism ruin your life. It is also necessary to pay attention to what is already there and ignore the thought that something is missing. Every day you need to praise yourself even for the smallest and most insignificant achievements.

Experts assure that the crisis will affect less those who give themselves pleasure and enjoy what is happening in life.

1. Looking in the mirror, you do not recognize yourself: an adult face, a serious look, wrinkles ... Is this aged person really me ?!
2. You have a desire to quit a good job.
3. There was an interest in religion, church, philosophy of a new age.
4. Activities that used to be fun have become boring.
5. It became difficult to concentrate on what was easy until recently.
6. You feel good when you hurt.
7. There was a desire to run away from everything.
8. There was a need to improve their physical shape.
9. You feel irritable or experience an unexpected fit of anger.
10. There are solid “NOTs” in my head - I didn’t achieve, I didn’t have time, I couldn’t.
11. You compare yourself to other people your age who you think have achieved more.
12. You have a desire to move actively or engage in extreme sports (running, cycling, dancing, racing in red sports cars, skydiving, etc.).
13. You have a desire to listen to other music.
14. Suddenly, a desire to learn how to play a musical instrument appeared.
15. You have an unexpected interest in drawing, painting, writing books or poetry.
16. The need for sleep has changed: decreased or increased.
17. You began to think about death, talk about its nature.
18. Have you started taking vitamins or nutritional supplements for the purpose of life extension.
19. You have made drastic changes to your diet.
20. You buy new clothes more often and spend more time looking good.
21. You experience natural changes in the color, thickness and quantity of your hair. You change your hairstyle, there is a need to dye your hair.
22. Around you there are more and more people who are younger than you. Suddenly you discover that a handsome young man is fit for your sons.
23. The attitude towards young people has changed: you either try to spend more time in their company, or avoid their company, because you feel uncomfortable, feeling your age.
24. you try to give new life things bought 20 years ago.
25. You are not satisfied with the society you live in, you want to change it.
26. You have a desire to teach or heal other people.
27. You want a simple life.
28. You often remember your childhood.
29. You are increasingly thinking about the future.
30. You are overly fixated on any problems.
31. You have become tired.
32. There were problems with memory.
33. New diseases are being discovered.
34. Consequences piled up bad habits- smoking, drinking alcohol.
35. You become more stressed. There is an internal transformation characteristic of this age, after the death of loved ones, peer friends, job loss, divorce.
36. Someone suddenly exclaims, "You're going through a midlife crisis!"

How does a midlife crisis work?

The midlife crisis does not occur in a vacuum. It always takes place in the context of a relationship. On a broad social level, its course depends on cultural norms of life, the expectation of happiness, the measure of success achieved, the possibility of mobility, the success of medicine for health and beauty, wars and twists of fate, as well as on the experience that we draw from our ancestors and partners of the middle age.

No matter where or when you start your journey, most couples eventually enter the uncharted territory of middle age. Even if one of the partners goes through a midlife crisis, his crisis becomes yours.

What is a mid-life crisis? A midlife crisis is defined as a period of emotional upheaval in middle age (40–60 years) and is characterized by a strong desire for change.

Although initially the term "midlife crisis" referred only to men, namely: it was due to the fear of death characteristic of this age period, - now the definition has been expanded to include issues that both men and women face in response to physical, social and psychological problems associated with aging. Middle age is a way of reassessment, summing up intermediate results and re-identification.

Scientific studies have shown that only 10-26% of people over 40 experience a crisis, so perhaps it would be more appropriate to talk about the transition period of middle age.

Whatever you call it, this age brings certain changes in the worldview and attitude. Many people define it as a time of personal upheaval and change. Contrary to theoretical expectations, participants in the special interview did not link the midlife crisis to aging or fear of death. Men focused on problems with work or marriage, women noted changes in health, family and personal relationships.

Midlife crisis and women

You think:“I am getting old”, “youth has passed”, “the years take their toll”, “I am young at heart, but I must remember about my passport age”, “I need to undergo an examination”.

You feel:“I don’t want anything”, “everything is annoying”, “it’s scary to think about the future”, “everything is behind”, “I became invisible to men”.

You know:“the best half of my life has already been lived”, “I will never ...”, “I will not do ...”, “I will never be able to ...”, “I am vulnerable because I am many years old”.

It's all about age, but not only.

Age is just a number. Young energy defies age.<…>

“If youth knew, if old age could!” But youth is over, and old age has not yet come. We are in that beautiful middle age, when we still want and already can. This is a new turn of the spiral, where every day is appreciated.

There is a phenomenon in psychology called figure-ground. If you carefully focus on some part of the field, that is, make it a "figure", then everything else goes into the "background" and ceases to be perceived.

Appreciate what has been done - the “figure”. Stop comparing yourself to others! If there were events in life that you regret, then treat them from the position of gaining experience, because it is known that it is better to regret what has been done than what has not been done.

To preserve beauty, it is necessary to comb not only your hair, but also your thoughts, because age is given out not so much by wrinkles, but by extinct eyes and fatigue from life. Therefore, the question “How to feel younger?” are increasingly addressed to a psychologist and psychotherapist. However, no cosmetic procedure or Plastic surgery not able to restore the shine to the eyes, the body - flexibility, the soul - boldness. A dull, dull look speaks more eloquently than a passport.

What to do?

First, do not attribute changes in your appearance to age. So that thoughts about passing youth do not overcome, explain the changes in the face and figure with a complex rhythm of life, an unfavorable environmental situation, and hard work. Secondly, strive to maintain psychological youth - to feel active, interested, enthusiastic. A positive internal attitude always has a positive effect on the external appearance.

Each emotion is reflected on the face, training some muscles and leaving others without proper load. Over time, a facial mask of a person is formed.

The more we get nervous, irritated and angry, the longer we feel internal discontent, the more clearly negative emotions are imprinted on the face, including in the form of wrinkles, lowered corners of the mouth, hanging upper eyelids.<…>

Age is often manifested by increased fatigue, easy forgetfulness, which can hardly be said to be a “girl's memory”; the word “sclerosis” comes off the lips more and more often when you can’t remember any simple and familiar word.

Scolding your brain for sluggishness and attributing all this to age, you should remember that a non-working organ reduces its function - with physical inactivity, the knees do not unbend and the stomach sags, since the idle brain becomes as lazy as you yourself. When every day of life is similar to the previous one, the brain loses the ability to adapt to new situations. There is a way out: add variety to your life - change the route to work, change to a bike, don’t go home after work, but arrange interesting outings at least once a week.

Throw a calculator into the back drawer. What for?

I offer you an exercise with which a psychiatrist usually tests one of the functions of the brain in old people.

Subtract 7 from 100 to get 93, subtract 7 from 93, and so on down. If it turned out quickly and without hesitation - my compliments, if not - immediately throw away the calculator. Arithmetic and more arithmetic in the name of brain training! Down with weeklies and cell phone records - try to remember friends' birthdays, business and phone numbers. Hard? Try it!

Travel. One week of travel can give you more impressions and memories than a whole year of ordinary life. New places, people, traditions and languages ​​give your brain a good shake-up from everyday slumber.

Often we console ourselves with the fact that wisdom comes with age, but I want to reassure you. Sometimes age comes alone. If at 20 there was no mind, then at 40 there will be no wisdom. Wisdom lies not in knowing that a tomato is a berry, but in not putting it in a fruit salad. If you are unsuccessfully climbing the stairs and cannot overcome the obstacle that has arisen in front of you, then you put the ladder on the wrong wall.

Don't fight age, make it your ally, enjoy maturity. If a short children's dress is not enough for you, you need to buy yourself a decent evening outfit.

Mastering new psychological roles is your main task at every stage of life.

What have I been able to achieve? Is this what I expected from my life? Do I have a future? These questions by the age of 40 overcome both women and men. But the latter, as a rule, endure the midlife crisis harder, because society constantly demands achievements, success and results from them. And more often than not, the summed up results do not satisfy and do not console. What to do? Let's think about this together.

A man who is going through a midlife crisis feels as if he is squeezed by his own way of life. He seems to be looking for a way out. His ideas about himself and the time he is in begin to change. Realizing that he has few years of life left, the man begins to rush from one extreme to another. Someone desperately clings to the last opportunity to feel young and enjoy life again. Some decide to divorce. And someone has nervous breakdowns, depression appears. Some may begin to drink actively, start romances on the side. In the most deplorable case, suicide can occur. In any case, not only our “lyrical hero” suffers from all this, but also his family and entourage.

During this period, male fantasies and old dreams seem much more attractive than reality. The person is convinced that he seemed to be doing everything right, but he is surprised: how did it happen that he became an ordinary middle-aged man? The crisis will be especially acute if there is no room for growth or change. A man doubts whether he is satisfied with the image that he created for himself, is he in his place? Life seems fake and empty. Being in this state, a person is afraid of himself. It's like he's blown away. The feeling of panic pushes him to prove to himself and to everyone around that he is still “great” and can do a lot.

When a man is inclined to commit rash, radical acts, we can say that a simple internal conflict turned into a crisis.

It can force a person to change something for the better in a positive way, or it can lead to the complete destruction of the individual and his own built life.

How to understand that you have a crisis? Here are a few signs:

• A disturbing feeling of being driven into a corner. I want to radically change my life.
• There is a withdrawal into oneself, a desire to rebel, like a teenager.
• There is an increased interest in fantasizing, searching for fresh impressions, I want to take unjustified risks.
• There may be a tendency to flirt with the opposite sex, there are attempts to have a mistress.
• Life ceases to suit, there is a temptation to take a radical step.

How can a woman understand that a man is having a midlife crisis?

• He constantly Bad mood, behaves silently, reluctantly answers your questions.
• Sometimes there are bursts of unjustified aggression, mood swings. Often takes out anger on you and loved ones. It may come to assault.
• He looks tired and broken.
• Sleeping badly.
• Starts looking at other women.
• Can change his wardrobe to a more fashionable one.
• May start using modern youth jargon.

• It is important to understand and realize that the crisis, despite all its severity, cannot be eternal. It can be experienced if you understand that it has come, and try to curb your thoughts, act only after careful thought.
• See yourself as a teenager who needs limits so that he doesn't do bad things.
• Don't take your emotions too literally. If you are overcome by an acute desire to “break free”, this does not mean that you really need to do it. Perhaps this is just a symptom that something is not going according to plan.
• Stop getting lost in your own fantasies. Otherwise, you run the risk of starting to take rash steps that will prevent you from gaining the strength that you lack.
• Remember that in order to change something, it is not necessary to radically change your life. Step into the changes gradually, so as not to accidentally destroy what you have been building for so long.
• Accept the fact that many opportunities can be missed. Think about what exactly you missed and why. Write down on paper everything that you would like to do, but did not. In the same place, describe why at that moment in your life you did not dare to do this.
• Think about what you value in your life and what you don't want to lose.
• Reflect on past and present priorities. Think about what real changes you can make without destroying everything.

• The main thing is patience. No need to demand from him an immediate trip to a psychologist and climb with advice. It’s better to just be around, support him, forgive this weak psychological state, show your love and devotion in every possible way.
• Talk to your husband. With the help of an open warm conversation, a man will be able to speak out, talk about sore issues. This will help improve his state of mind. Try to show the man his strengths. He must understand that he has something to be proud of and something to cherish.
• It is necessary to diversify family life. Buy tickets to the theater, take him to a new restaurant, to a movie premiere, buy joint pool passes, play a new sport with him, sign up for courses foreign language. This will show a man that life does not end after 40.
• Despite the mental anguish of a man, the sexual side still has for him great importance. IN this case everything must be done to be the best mistress for him. Start preening in a special way, do not spare the family budget for a new set of sexy lingerie, and if you learn how to do an erotic relaxing massage, you will certainly be fully rewarded.
• The main thing - do not run away from the problem, do not indulge your own experiences, if you really want to help your loved one. Your tantrums, tears, threats, reproaches will lead to a divorce. Only the right psychological support on your part will help you regain your loving, wise husband.

The advice of psychologist Victoria Labokaite, managing partner of Ideasea (ideasea.ru), will help you cope with adversity.

What is it all about

“To put it quite simply, a midlife crisis is a crisis of growing up and self-awareness,” Victoria explained after she cited several quotes from Jung, and we did not understand anything. - On average, up to thirty years, a person lives according to the patterns that he received from his parents and society. As a result, a bias arises: some parts of the personality are overdeveloped, others are suppressed, but ask for light. Plus, the first signs of aging appear, although before that only those around us were aging. ”

How to avoid a crisis

“No way,” Victoria cheered. - The question is not whether there will be a crisis or not. Will. The question is, do you manage the crisis or the crisis you.

How to Know When a Crisis Has Arrived

Ironic girls love to laugh at men who struggle with a midlife crisis by buying Porsches, having affairs with college girls and skydiving. But this is not a fight against the crisis, but its symptoms. In general, if:

you are in a long depression, although you did not buy dollars at 65;
you no longer understand why you do what you do;
you were drawn away from your wife towards very young girls;
you took out a loan for a sports car and bought a motorcycle for change;
you celebrated your 40th anniversary in a marathon and won a pacemaker in a triathlon,
- it might mean nothing.

If all points are yours, this is a symptom. Buying a Ferrari could mean you've mined bitcoins. But if you're in your thirties, depressed, and driving to Las Vegas in a Ferrari with a schoolgirl, that's a crisis. Depression is a mandatory symptom, the rest can change.

What to do with it

Go to the doctors. Namely, a detailed blood test, ultrasound, an endocrinologist and a psychotherapist. Depression is sometimes caused by diseases that are quite bodily - from hepatitis to oncology. Or the hormonal imbalance that goes hand in hand with depression.

Keep calm. If you are physically healthy and this is clearly a crisis, you should not break loose in Kathmandu, go on a drinking binge, join the Hells Angels and fall into other similar convulsions. It's just replacing one pattern with another.

Release aggression. There will be a lot of it along the way, and there is no need to add divorce proceedings to the crisis. Therefore, boxing, airsoft or loud screams under the bridge during the passage of the train will be useful to you.

Recognize reality.“Life will end sooner or later, youth has passed, you no longer know who you are, and it depends only on you how to live on,” the expert explains. “At the same time, you need to understand that you are not omnipotent and the results of life depend not only on you.”

There are things that are often advised to do in a crisis, but in fact it is not necessary

Look at peppy old people. This creates a false feeling that everything is ahead. But no one canceled genetics, and a giant stem cell like Mick Jagger is a product of luck.

Analyze other people's experience. Everyone has a personal crisis. The example of friends will not help you in any way.

Fanatical recovery. Realizing that you have begun to grow old, you can panic, and many will want to take advantage of your altered consciousness. Therefore, use only officially approved methods. Vedic raw food club - sometime later.

Get to know yourself. Sounds vague, in fact it is. But this is the main thing in overcoming the crisis, Victoria Labokaite believes. The task is to understand what features of your personality have been suppressed. For this you will need:

morning page. As soon as you wake up, write two or three pages by hand. What comes to mind. There is nothing to write - just write: "There is nothing to write, nothing at all, what nonsense am I doing." In such a stream of consciousness, the brain sometimes yields valuable insights;

conscious movement. Yoga is fine, but you can at least smash the TV with a baseball bat if you are aware of the movement of every muscle. The point is to turn off the negative mental chewing gum;

rejection of gadgets. They force you to watch the outside world, and it throws up new patterns all the time. During a crisis, it is better to immerse yourself in yourself.

Solve problems which he avoided. If you've been trading stocks for twenty years and still don't get to the vocal school you dreamed about, you have to get there. And the artist in worn-out shoes, on the contrary, has to overcome the horror of making money.

Get creative. Firstly, it is the creative part of the personality that is often suppressed by developed logic - this is required by society. Secondly, a crisis often arises from the awareness of one's ordinaryness. Any consumption does not solve the problem, even a gilded Rolls-Royce does not make your personality unique. But any creativity - does.

Explain changes to loved ones. If a beloved husband and father silently dresses, takes an ice pick and leaves, this can cause anxiety. If he explains that he is going to climb a rock in order to free the repressed part of his personality, the wife will calm down and decide that he is just an idiot, and the usual, as you know, does not frighten. But be prepared for the fact that even loving people will resist change in you. The system loves stability.

Filter the environment. Man is a social and influenced being. And during a crisis, you are vulnerable, and the right environment is a matter of security. Jealous friends, demotivating women - you can’t feed this whole convoy with your emotions now.

How to understand that everything

The easiest thing about a midlife crisis is to understand that you have passed it. Or didn't pass. If you find the repressed parts of the personality and give them a load, then you will begin to enjoy life again. If, however, he simply replaced the old alien patterns with new ones, the joy will be fleeting and a new round of crisis will come. Then get this article and read it.

The article was written with a lot of fanfare. As many as 3 people took part in the creation! One co-author said she was ready to throw in abstracts on a hot topic and did so. The other gave a vector of where to go so as not to get lost. Read and enjoy!

Among my acquaintances, the crisis of middle age is few bypassed. If someone does not complain, it means that he is simply hiding.

- you need to jump into the car of the outgoing train. Soon, very soon everything will be done TOO LATE!

• Give birth to children
• Receive education
• Get married
• change life
• change husband
• Build a career.

It seems that there are some 5-10 years left and tu-tu. Therefore, we urgently need to jump on the bandwagon of a train leaving for a beautiful distance. And the woman starts freaking out.

It seems that the train of life is leaving, and the mourners somehow hurriedly leave the car.

These throwings occur if life as a whole is successful: a woman has free time to raise my head and look around: what have I achieved? How do others live? And how are they? (By the way, the methods that we use to understand how others live are controversial. I'm talking about Instagram, where there is no grief, doubt, sorrow, failure, boredom. Everyone travels, on a positive note, enjoy every day. But this ... "Ceremonial Petersburg". In the "yards" everything is completely different ...)

In the bottom line, all well done, except for me.

What do we do when life seems to be passing by...

Something needs to be done urgently! What?..

1. It is clear that something needs to be done with the head. From within? No, outside! Dye your hair a very unnatural color. Invigorates and distracts, occupies the choice ... initially. Passionate about the process. Primarily satisfied with the effect. Bitter with what he has done. Sobering ... further in a circle - the choice of a different color, the process ... A new hair color in order to fill a positive depressive state. For some, it develops into a shave.

   It's nice if you're 15

2. Shopping. Of course, shopping. Plug a hole in your soul with shopping. Relief for a minute, unnecessary things - until the first decluttering.
3. Repair! You need to change something in your life! Painting of walls, ceiling, redevelopment.
4. Tablets. Starting with a simple one like vitamins, ending with sedative or invigorating ones. Who's going through...

   Fortunately, we don't have to choose between the red and the blue pill.

5. Fitness! The last chance to feel young, attractive, to make the body so that everyone wants it. Good motivation is just to improve your mood, relieve stress with the help of sports. Another motivation is the fear of death and, as a result, the desire to urgently improve everyone's health. possible ways. It seems to be good. In fact, motivation should be more stable, not so hysterical, but physical exercise not excessive and regular. (Who would say?! I walk. I connected the application, I see how many steps I take. And I go there, yes, yes)
6. Sweets. Classic antidepressant. Efficiency at the level of shopping: there is relief, but it is fleeting, fat on the butt before the first hysterical run around the stadium.
7. Sex. It's good when there is, with whom. Sometimes the plug is in this: discord in the family in terms of who needs how much. , about where to get sex if you are married, opened an abscess.
8. Puzzles. They say that such a hobby and stress relief also takes place and is common among middle-aged citizens who are not weighed down by intense physical and mental labor.
   
9. Someone is already healing. Someone for relaxation. Love approves.
10. Alcohol. Classic. What a solid reputation this method has. But he doesn't work at all. It's better to go to the gym. More precisely, alcohol by itself is useless. Good mental company with a bottle and a song can have a powerful psychotherapeutic effect. Drinking alone is boring, dull and pitiful. And it will only get worse.
    
11. Cinema, cartoons. It is necessary to throw out a list of soul-saving ... Well, this can straighten the brain.
12. Driving courses. Are there rights? Extreme driving courses. They say it's a great way to relax.
13. Audio books are very helpful. You listen, you delve into it .. they distracted you ... And you want to live: you have to listen to it! It would be nice about the murders. Wanted to make a corpse? Get it, here's a corpse for you.
14. Men, now I remembered the word about corpses, they help well computer games. The tougher the better. I do not believe in nonsense about their total harm to the psyche. We are already guys with a well-established psyche. In addition, the country does not have a culture and practice of carrying weapons everywhere. So the corpses remain all on the monitor screen.
15. Extreme. Jump with a parachute or from a bridge on an elastic band.
    We entertain the inner child: curious and restless!

    Here is another extreme - scuba diving. For some, rafting is extreme. One of the last stages in an attempt to understand yourself and cheer yourself up. Let's leave this for last. Not everyone gets to this stage. Here's how, for me - optimally - it's a roller coaster or just a water park with their terrible slides. Works just for physical level. And you can't get away from this. Liked or disliked. A surge of happiness is guaranteed. Not for long, but where to go? Here it would be just a little to appease yourself and your strange desires.

This is all that women do when they are "covered".

Men behave differently.

Realized, those whose life is generally successful - build a house, dream (who can - buy) about a bike, traveling.

Oh, well, of course, not such a spendthrift! - will exclaim A real man In the Crisis, - What is this grandfather's moped ?! We need a cool, status bike so that everyone can see that we have SOMETHING between our legs!)

Someone remarries or goes on a spree "it's time for women." This, after all, is also a "fad": now I sleep with only one, and there is so much walking down the street, and soon these joys will become completely inaccessible. The thought that sex life finite, upsets almost more than the thought that life in general inevitably ends.

And yet, reading the psychologist’s commentary, I remembered one male fad: at 40, you need to get a tattoo! It's akin to our hair coloring or extreme head shaving.

Unrealized drink.

I wanted to make this sketch USEFUL. And I asked a practicing psychologist, constellator, online therapist Zakharova Lyudmila Mikhailovna (on instagram, In contact with) comment. And this is what this creative and talented woman wrote in everything.

I really like this photo of my guest Lyudmila Zakharova. And don't let bricks and hammers fool you.

How to overcome this midlife crisis?

I remembered the words of one of the famous psychologists that only after overcoming the ordeals of the midlife crisis, a person receives a ticket to an interesting and happy life and a full, respectable old age.

But old age is in the future. In the meantime, not even “55+”, but 40 plus / minus years ...

What to do?

1. Need a revision of the past. What has been experienced, what has been done, what has been done. Luggage. An experience. Anyone and. Any one is valuable. “Good” - by what is received, acquired, done, accomplished, “bad” - the experience of going through something that was not easy, the experience of overcoming, even surviving - this is no less or even more valuable.
2. It is important to discover and take a closer look at yourself here and now, at this point in time “Where am I now, who am I now, what am I now?
3. It is important to identify needs. What matters now, what do I need most?

For example, according to Steven Riess it might be interesting:

• « Authority (power) - the need to influence others
• Independence - the need to rely only on oneself
• Curiosity - the need to acquire new knowledge
• Approval of others - the need to be accepted by other people
• Personal space - the need to organize your space and your order around you
• Stockpiling - the need to make savings
• Honor - the need to be faithful to one's homeland, family and ancestors
• Idealism - the need for social justice
• Social contact - the need for company
• Family - the need to raise their own children
• Status - the need to have a high social position
• Victory - the need to be a winner in rivalry, get ahead of competitors, settle scores and avenge insults
• Love is the need to be beautiful and have sex
• Food - the need for food
• Physical activity - the need for physical activity
• Peace is the need for emotional calm. (C) internet)

Which of these is currently in first place? What is satisfied, what is not, and what are you thinking about for the first time?

1. We need a "revision" of resources.

a) What do I have now? Internal resources (experience, knowledge, skills, personality traits, bodily health, etc.) and external resources (connections, relationships, hobbies, hobbies, sources of material income, "places of power", someone's love, care , support, etc.)

b) What is missing? and “What will help?” - two "magic" questions.

1. Try to form, formulate, present, visualize the image of the Future. How do I see myself in my Future? How do I want? How will it be when I overcome the Crisis? Important. Even if it's just fantasy.

“Middle” age is the time of transition from the eternal “must” to “I want” and “I can”. (Although “I can”, perhaps, just raises doubts if “I want” is not “adults”, but those that a woman brought with her from childhood and adolescence).

That's just first #1 and last (15th) advice, - yes, yes, about hair color and extreme, - this is it. This is most likely the Inner Rebellious Child/teenager needs to be satisfied. Mom at 14 did not allow me to pierce my lip, cut my whiskey? Want! Dad forbade the boys to rush on the roofs? Now I'll take revenge, yes! I will recoup.

Reaching out to your inner child is not a whim.

Effective? Why not. If it's safe, of course. And feasible - physically, for example, financially, and in terms of status (green hair will obviously not bring relief to a lady head of a department in a solid organization in a crisis, the risk of aggravating is higher))

The main thing is that the roaming “inner child” still gives way to the inner Adult, because without it there is no way.

Let's take 4 more ways

2 - Shopping 6 - Snacks 10 - Alcohol and 14 Computer games,

Why united? There is a common. It could be about addiction. About the need to forever (and not only in your 40-45) throw all sorts of things into the soul (and into the body), either causing endorphin bursts, or going into a sort of trance, "disconnecting" from the outside world, or simply "spamming" the soul with something then from the outside (here you can still include endless series, Malakhov-plus and so on). The unsatisfied need for love, experiencing emotions and feeling happy is usually at the root.

Are these methods helpful? If a little in moderation, consciously, with pleasure, with confidence that it will not take you into the abyss of painful addiction (by the way, most cases of terry female alcoholism are at this age), then you can. Why not. The main thing is how much, how, and at what cost.

Here is a “sober” question - what can I offer myself in return?

4 - Tablets and 9 - Massage

Adequately and competently selected by a good specialist, drug therapy (or herbal medicine, or aromatherapy, or dietary supplements, and even homeopathy as an alternative can sometimes be a good help, support, resource. Keyword"smartly".

And manual therapy sometimes - very much. And acupuncture. And body-oriented methods of psychotherapy - too.

And all sorts of other spa treatments and amenities for the body - I'm all for it.

From here straight to method number 5 – fitness, sports. I support. The main thing is that it is feasible and with pleasure. Dancing is still here. It's never too late to start, they say. Yoga again, qigong. Who has a soul for what.

Method number 7 Sex suddenly wanted to connect with No. 3 - Repair

There is something in this, and not just part of the joke. At the very least, satisfaction. In what? In novelty, change, experimentation, in satisfaction of the Self.

Exterior renovation only. Sex is inside.

And again the question - what will help? Where to get? Find, find, choose, pick up ... Make. Enjoy.

Incidentally, the repair adulthood is more "quality", as well as sex.

There are more possibilities. Least.

Find and ... stir))

#11 Movies and cartoons and #13 Audiobooks(electronic and paper ones are also here) - quite worthy helpers. Especially if you use selections that are specially compiled for those in crisis, and on the recommendation (here, offhand, “Middle Pass” by James Hollis. How to overcome a midlife crisis and find a new meaning in life.)

#8 Puzzles- why not. As well as coloring by numbers, dudling, zentangle, sketching, dot painting, dry felting (felting). drawing mandalas, in general, any hobby, hand-made, something that you can get into with your head, get creative, do it with your hands, open and “take away” your soul, get a result (the same endorphins). Art therapy is based on this. Lots of options.

No. 12. Driving courses- I also support because a car, among other things, is mobility, independence, freedom, the ability to travel.

... In any crisis there is a certain point - for someone a pass, a peak, - a point of a new start, for someone a "bottom" from which you can push off and rush to a new life stage.

The main thing is to see the light ahead - if it is not visible - imagine it, or highlight it with a flashlight, there is no flashlight - we are looking for someone or something to help!