The husband left for a wealthy mistress. The husband went to his mistress - what to do? Psychologists' advice on how to save a family and return a spouse. How to act in different situations

Well, that's how it happened - the husband went to his mistress. It seems that the world has collapsed, that there is no need to live anymore, and you can’t go out into the street at all, because everyone already knows about it and will whisper behind their backs. Didn't keep it, didn't keep it, couldn't. You are the one to blame. She got fat, her hair roots grew back, her manicure was crooked, her pedicure was generally terrible, her skin was pale. He speaks illiterate, intelligence is below average. In bed, too, probably a log.

Somehow it has developed and strengthened in our society: the woman is to blame for everything. Even if the fault lies with her husband or children, indirectly she is also to blame. Let the husband go to his mistress, let the son skip school, let the daughter enter the culinary school instead of the institute ... She, the wife and mother, didn’t watch all this, she couldn’t set it in the right way, didn’t save her from rash acts.

Such an organization of society has brought more than one woman to a bed in a psycho-neurological dispensary, to a cell in a women's colony, to the grave. The first thing that every woman must firmly grasp, even if she still goes to Kindergarten: She is not to blame for what others do. When a woman learns this, it will immediately become easier for her to live.

Why do husbands go to mistresses?

The share of the woman's guilt in the fact that the family collapsed and the husband went to his mistress, of course there is.

Changes in the appearance of the wife. Some women, having married and given birth to a child, launch themselves. They can get fat, stop caring for themselves, rarely visit a hairdresser and manicurist, walk in stretched shapeless clothes. Such a wife is completely unattractive to her husband, because he does not see her beauty: the former beauty is hidden behind an untidy bunch of unwashed hair, a dressing gown “a la a collective farmer”, worn slippers and a greasy “donut” at the waist.

Sexual incompatibility. A husband leaves his wife not only when he needs often and for a long time, but she rarely and a little bit. Incompatibility can also be reversed, which leads to the formation of an incompetence complex in a man and can lead to sexual disorders. Uniformity in sex also negatively affects marital relationships.

Mismanagement of the wife. Men are tolerant of many little things that are noticed and that annoy overly clean women: a couple of dishes in the sink, plaque on the tile, dust on bookshelves. but even for them such things as an unwashed sink in drips, a fetid toilet bowl, a bathtub in stains and dried soapy foam, rubbish underfoot and stale gray sheets and towels are unacceptable. Such household uncleanliness is already beginning to border on the personal uncleanliness of a woman. Also, the reason is often that the wife does not know how to cook or cooks tastelessly.

Problems with children. The peak of husbands leaving the family falls on the first years after the birth of a child. Spouses often turn out to be unprepared for the changes that are inevitable. Children's screams, new unpleasant odors, a wife constantly busy with a baby, restrictions on sex, lack of time for rest and entertainment cause persistent discontent of a young father, accumulate and result in a desire to leave for a woman without children or with grown children. It is also common for husbands to leave their wives when the children go to first grade, apparently tired of the increased responsibility. Frequent illnesses of children, disability of a son or daughter, children's behavioral disorders - all this is the reason why a spouse leaves for another woman.

Excessive infatuation of the wife with something. Hobbies are always good. It helps to diversify life, acquire new skills, spend time with benefit and interest. But sometimes it happens that a hobby ceases to be an obsession. Then it begins to create inconvenience for the family of the person who has become carried away. The wife and mother knitting lace scarves look cute, as if they had stepped out of the pages of an old romantic book. But when half of the family budget is spent on threads and knitting accessories, it interferes with life. The same goes for houseplants. Cacti and aloe on the balcony, chlorophytum in the kitchen and a palm tree in the living room diversify the interior. But it happens that all surfaces are lined with pots, and it is forbidden for households to open windows or turn on the air conditioner due to a possible violation of the microclimate in the apartment, which will have a detrimental effect on plants.

What to do if the husband is about to leave?

There is only one answer - let go. Only letting go can you hold on. The husband is packing his suitcase - help him. Carefully stack his underpants and socks in piles, the opponent will immediately recognize this as a “female hand”.

Don't forget his shaving and hygiene items. Among the things must be a photograph of children. After all, it is the husband who leaves his wife, but not the father from the children. You do not need to put your photo, it will be annoying.

All things must be collected without tears and lamentations and handed over to her husband with wishes of a good journey and an expression of the hope that everything will be fine soon.

It is useful to remind the departing spouse that on Tuesday the youngest must be taken to the dentist, and on Sunday the elder will have important competitions, where he invited dad last month. Together with the suitcase, the spouse must endure the understanding that his father's rights and obligations have not gone away and have not changed in any way. If dad read a fairy tale to the children before going to bed, then it is quite normal for them to call him in the evening and ask him to read the fairy tale over the phone. This will once again remind dad that he has beloved children, and his mistress will be annoyed from the very first day.

What if the husband has already left?

You need to calm down, relax and think about what caused the demarche of the spouse from the family.

If the matter is in appearance, then it is necessary to immediately take measures to restore physical attractiveness. A common misconception is that it takes a lot of money to be beautiful. In fact, you can be well-groomed in very budgetary ways. The diet does not require special expenses. Even if there is no money to buy fresh vegetables and fruits in winter, simply reducing carbohydrates and fats in the diet, lowering the calorie content of meals, coupled with exercises that do not require exercise equipment, will lead to the desired result. The same applies to hairstyles and manicures: at home, it is quite possible to keep your hair clean and take care of your nails and cuticles.

If the reason for the husband's departure is sexual incompatibility, then a similar problem may well arise with the next partner. A woman needs to solve this problem. If it’s a matter of self-doubt or fear of “doing something wrong,” then you can turn to manuals for organizing your sex life. Fortunately, on the market you can find books, articles, and videos on this topic. If the matter is in persistent complexes grafted in the process of upbringing or received with previous men, then in this case you will need qualified help from a sexual psychologist, psychotherapist or sexologist.

If a woman has run an apartment, then she herself will soon want to escape from it. After all, the dust bad odors, debris on the floor and other surfaces have a depressing effect on anyone who is forced to watch them day in and day out. Before you think about how to get your husband back, you need to put the house in order, wash the tables, stove, bathtub, sink, toilet bowl, floors and walls; wash curtains, towels, tablecloths, bed linen; get rid of dead plants, an aquarium with stagnant water, and other damaged and unnecessary things. A sofa in puffs can be reupholstered with new upholstery, and a scratched table can be covered with a special varnish for furniture. The house should look so that you want to return there. As for culinary abilities, they develop in the same way as any other ability.

Problems with children, if this is what caused the breakup, just like that, are not solved in one fell swoop. If the husband left due to the child's illness or behavioral disorders, it will be difficult to return him. It is more difficult for fathers to come to terms with the fact that the child is somehow “not like that”. This is due to a different approach to the concept of parental love. The mother loves the child simply because he is. The father loves the child for something, such is his nature: for being the smartest in the class, the most dexterous in the section, he spoke or began to read earlier than others. When a child is seriously ill, then his successes are scanty, and in comparison with other children, he loses a lot. It is difficult for a man to get used to this idea, he may not be able to withstand his disappointment and leave his family.

If the reason is the wife’s excessive passion for something, then the husband’s departure will open either her the opportunity to freely do what she loves and breed quails in the bedroom, or her eyes, and then she will realize that her hobby has become destructive to marriage.

In parallel with working on yourself, you need to work on establishing distance relationships with your spouse.

After the husband leaves, you need to pause and remind him of some old promise - hang a chandelier, nail a shelf, change the faucet. Remind gently and delicately, and not in the form of “you forgot, as always, but it’s dark in our corridor for the second month.”

It is always necessary to involve the husband in solving issues related to children. Dad can go to the parent meeting even when he does not live with mom. And spending the weekend with children is generally their old dream.

Rarely what kind of mistress can stand it.

The situation when the husband went to his mistress can be compared to a disaster. Such a betrayal unsettles, life loses its meaning, hands drop. This circumstance is painfully perceived by women of any age. But you need to live on and strive to become happy in the future, especially if there are children nearby. These are not banal words, but a guide to action. Experienced psychologists give wise advice on how to deal with emotions. You need to analyze the situation, outline a clear plan for yourself and proceed to implement it.

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Models of behavior when an opponent appears

Each representative of the fair sex feels the appearance of a rival in her life. This happens on a subconscious level even when the husband carefully hides her presence. There are a lot of options for the behavior of women in this situation, ranging from complete inaction to the most decisive measures in the struggle to preserve their happiness. Men can act in such situations in different ways. Some leave the house without hiding anything and without thinking for a minute. Others rush for a long time between two women, being in stressful condition from the inevitability of making a particular choice.

Psychologists consider the behavior of a man when choosing between two women as inadequate. Euphoria from a new love, guilt before a former lover, pity for children and many other aspects make it difficult to make the only right decision. Clouding of consciousness does not make it possible to objectively assess the situation. That is why the ex-wife should take on the role of an adequate adult person who can put everything in its place. If she panics, then there will be no one to think about the family and children. Relations will break off irrevocably, and many problems will remain unresolved.

If the husband has found a mistress, the wife can choose several behaviors. All of them will be correct, because every woman knows exactly what she wants from a relationship with a man. But each case has its pros and cons.

• Don't notice what's going on. Many women prefer this model of behavior because they pursue their own interests. This is reasonable if the spouse lives on the territory of her husband and is completely dependent on him financially. Sometimes inaction and silence allow you to buy time to resolve the issue in your favor. The man has not yet decided whether he should destroy the family, and he has the opportunity to compare the new passion with his ex-wife. The mistress does not want to wait and begins to demand decisive action, and the spouse behaves calmly. A husband who finds himself in a difficult situation chooses more comfortable conditions, and when a difficult period passes, it remains in the family. However, in the case of a well-thought-out behavior of a mistress who acts not with pressure, but with affection, the situation can change radically. If she constantly demands help, “gets bored”, exposes herself as a victim, or puts forward the most important argument in her favor - a sudden pregnancy, a guy can leave his wife forever.
• Sort things out. This behavior pattern is the most common. Not many women are able to remain silent when a husband has a mistress. Unexpectedly fallen grief does not allow to correctly assess the situation, and the spouse begins to take unplanned actions. If you pull yourself together and become a good friend to your husband for a while, you can lead him to a frank conversation. It is necessary to give a person the opportunity to make their own choice, without unnecessary reproaches and accusations. Then there is a chance that the man will remain in the family. If a completely balanced woman has turned into a rude hysterical woman, the spouse will try to avoid a showdown and go to a place where he will not listen to reproaches. This is the most common way for men to make a decision. They subconsciously wait for the spouse to start making claims so that the negative that has fallen on them becomes a reason for leaving. Then the choice will become obvious, and the husband will not feel guilty. Any person will support him when he finds out what he had to listen to and experience.
• Let everything go. There is a category of women who let go of the situation and watch how it all ends. The husband does not come home to spend the night, sometimes this absence lasts for weeks. Then he returns home, explains the reason or goes without explanation, and the family continues to live as usual. There are times when a husband goes to his mistress for months and years, and then returns and never goes anywhere else. It depends on the character of the wife and the circumstances. If this happened after 30 years of marriage, when the relationship became too even and outdated, then leaving the family becomes the only way out to save them. The woman is not able to influence the situation, because she is no longer young and is not an authority on this issue for her husband. Moreover, if the couple does not have children or they are already old enough and do not require constant presence and care, this gives the spouse additional opportunities.

According to statistics, a secret romance between lovers lasts approximately 8 months. After an open relationship begins, passion lasts no more than 1.5-2 years. Love finally dies after 3 years. The main suffering of the ex-wife lasts from 2 to 3 weeks, the final "recovery" occurs after 3 months. Based on this data, it is recommended that you make the right decision for yourself. If there is a desire to stay with her husband, it is worth a little patience, since the probability of returning to the family is very high.

How to act in different situations

When a husband leaves, different situations can arise. Sometimes a person goes to work and never comes back, leaving his things and avoiding explanations. Another situation is when a man hides relationships on the side, but continues to support them. The third - when everything is already known, but he does not make a definite decision and rushes between two women.

Each individual case has its own nuances. At the same time, the solution to the problem remains standard. The wife needs to objectively assess the situation and try to resolve it without unnecessary emotions.



Husband lives in two families

If the husband has found a mistress and does not want to leave, this indicates his uncertainty about the correct choice in the circumstances. A deterrent is a material or moral obligation:

• nowhere to go (the new passion does not have its own living space);
• common business with his wife;
• debt obligations in the form of a mortgage, a loan;
• small children or great love for them;
• wife's illness and guilt before her;
• close relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law;
• a sense of shame in front of parents, friends, work colleagues;
• common plans and interests that cannot be betrayed;
• insecurity in a new partner;
• indecision;
• fear of making a fatal mistake.

It happens that a man runs from one family to another, feels responsible for both women and therefore does not get divorced. Only the reasonable behavior of one lady and the fatal mistake of another can push him to a decisive step.

Psychologists recommend that the wife clearly decide whether she needs such a man. In this case, the affected pride comes to the fore. It is impossible to survive resentment and unexpected betrayal. The woman is trying with all her might to force the man to return, forgetting about the consequences of this return. It is worth imagining a situation that after long hesitation, the man will return to the family. If a woman can forgive him, forget the past and stay the same, you should definitely try. To do this, you need to free yourself from feelings of jealousy, resentment and fully trust your husband. However, this is very difficult to do. Without understanding the reasons for the behavior of the spouse, the wife dooms herself to new suffering. At first, everything will be fine, but there is a high probability that a man can change again or start remembering his mistress and stop devoting time to his wife. Both parties may lose, as it will be difficult to achieve the previous trust.

A wife who does not want to put up with her husband's constant defections needs to clarify their relationship. This is necessary if she is mentally prepared for a possible break. A man fears this moment, but expects it, because the first step towards parting (in his opinion) will not be taken by him. The wife is advised to give her husband a little time to make a choice and wait for the result. A man can return home because he understands that the family is more expensive. If the husband continues to stay late at work, does not part with the phone and behaves suspiciously, then specific actions need to be taken. Relationships are at an impasse, and there is no point in wasting time on them. Maybe, loving person is nearby.



He returned to his wife

The man who left the family made the right decision. So it seems to him at first, but at this time he is under the influence of a surge of emotions. Secret dates, which are a priori condemned by others, connect a couple in love. They are in a state of suffering, whose love is forced to survive in such terrible conditions. A man is accused by his wife, parents, friends, and only with his mistress is he calm and easy. The euphoria of secret meetings is replaced by a situation in which there is nothing more to hide. The prose of life begins, which reminds her husband of previous relationships. There comes a moment of disappointment, because each of the lovers did not get what they wanted. The mistress saw that in everyday life the man was far from the image of an attentive groom, and the guy drew attention to changes in the appearance and character of the new girlfriend, because instead of sweet coquetry, notes of demands and discontent appeared.

After such a disappointment, a man will be drawn home, because the best years of his young life with his wife were spent there. The time will come when the husband will be asked to return. The wife is advised to remember what claims he made to her during his departure. All these wishes must be fulfilled, and mistakes must be corrected. If the husband was indignant about the inability to cook, housekeeping, lack of attention to him, poor parenting, you need to reconsider your views on life and try to acquire these skills. It is imperative to take care of your appearance, a reasonable solution would be a radical change in image.

The husband should not only admire the appearance of his wife, but also find in her new, such desirable qualities for him. A clean apartment, a kitchen smelling of delicious food, happy children, a calm wife will be a pleasant surprise for a spouse. He must meet absolutely unknown woman with whom it is pleasant to spend time. The absence of memories of old grievances, complaints about a temporary lonely life and a lot of problems will help a man understand that he can start all over again. Most of all, he is afraid that he will have to make excuses, apologize, he will be haunted by guilt before his wife, children and loved ones. The wife must do everything to avoid this.

What if she is younger or older?

It is very important to know what the opponent is like. You should not resort to cardinal actions like surveillance, determining the place of residence, and even more so finding out the relationship. In such a situation, the wife is always the loser, since the husband is completely on the side of his mistress. It is recommended to contact friends, relatives or work colleagues and find out the necessary information very correctly. Well, if you manage to bring your own husband to a frank conversation. To do this, you need to enter into his confidence as a good friend or adviser. You can’t say anything bad about an opponent, much less insult or compare with yourself. This information will be useful to draw the necessary conclusions.

If the husband's mistress is much younger, then the husband has a midlife crisis, when the thirst for novelty obscures everything else. Most likely, he was carried away by a young body, fell in love with a girl with whom he feels rejuvenated. He soars on the wings of love and cannot adequately assess the situation until some time has passed. In any case, an abandoned woman should first of all change her appearance, find new hobbies for herself and join the youth a little. Children or grandchildren can help with this. If not, try to figure it out fashion trends in the world of music, fashion, cinema.

If the husband has a mistress older than him or his wife, you should look for the reason for the separation in insufficient care for the young man. Such a choice speaks of the unwillingness of a man to take on overwhelming obligations and take responsibility for the family. It’s not the wife’s fault, it’s just that the guy made a mistake when getting married: he didn’t need a wife, but a caring mother. If there is a desire to return such a man to the family or he asks back, you should pay attention to household skills. It is worth being prepared for the fact that it will not be possible to rely on it. The guy will avoid solving problems and look for easy ways.

Having learned what a rival is, you can immediately determine how to behave with a returning husband. At this time, the ex-wife changes roles with his mistress. The husband should not only admire the appearance of his wife, but also find in her new, such desirable qualities for him. A clean apartment, a kitchen smelling of delicious food, happy children, a calm wife will be a pleasant surprise for a spouse. He should be met by a completely unfamiliar woman with whom it is pleasant to spend time. The absence of memories of old grievances, complaints about a temporary lonely life and a lot of problems will help a man understand that he can start all over again. Most of all, he is afraid that he will have to make excuses, apologize, he will be haunted by guilt before his wife, children and loved ones. The wife must do everything to avoid this.

Wife Rules

Even if suspicions of infidelity have arisen for a long time, the husband’s departure from the family will still be unexpected. It is impossible to prepare for this, because the hope that everything will work out does not subside almost until the last minute. Every self-respecting woman who finds herself in this situation should reduce emotions to a minimum and do the right thing.

Even if there is no likelihood that the husband will ever return to the family again, it is worth maintaining normal relations with him, because otherwise the woman's psyche suffers and an inferiority complex is formed.

Forbidden tricks

There are a few rules that must be observed so as not to aggravate the situation and not suffer from its consequences. Even if there is very little time to prepare, and the husband’s departure was taken by surprise, in no case should you do the following:

• Cry, cry, beg to stay. The psychology of a man does not allow to endure women's tears indifferently. Representatives of the stronger sex either try to help, or quickly move away from solving the problem.
• Blackmail. Blackmail and threats based on the principle: “I will not let you communicate with children” or “I will commit suicide” will not help. If a man decides to leave, he will definitely leave. But he does it faster this way. The fear of receiving negative information will force him not to get in touch with his ex-wife.
• Ask extra questions. Questions like “Where exactly are you going? or “What am I worse than her? ' will have no effect. Such conversations require a different time and place, so you won’t get a clear answer.
• Call and bother. This is very bad practice. When a woman constantly calls and begins to sort things out, writes messages with threats and insults, she has no chance to establish even relatively normal relations with her ex-husband.
• Revenge. You should not take revenge on either your husband or your mistress. Negative actions will not lead to anything good. This applies to both moral and material aspects. Engaging in litigation is not a very optimistic prospect.
• Sink into depression. This condition is a serious illness. If you allow yourself to fall into it, you can get consequences in the form of health disorders. If there is a lack of strength to cope with the situation, it is urgent to contact a specialist psychologist.
• Tell nasty things. The “revelations” that she begins to share with relatives and friends can play a negative role with her ex-wife. Whether they are true or not doesn't matter. This information is strictly personal, so do not distribute it. If the husband returns, strangers will disrespect both him and the woman herself.
• Look for an urgent replacement. Do not rush things, rushing in search of another man and causing a feeling of jealousy in your husband. The husband will not be jealous, because he has already made his choice. The wife's new partner will not be able to immediately replace those long happy years of marriage, and the condition will be aggravated by shame and disgust.
• Lose self-respect. You can think of many ways to harm an unfaithful husband, but each of them will lead to the fact that the wife loses respect in the eyes of a man. When everything calms down, the wife will be very ashamed of her behavior and sorry that she could not pull herself together and get out of the situation with dignity.

The best advice that needs to be given to a woman is a philosophical attitude to the problem. After all, no one died or became seriously ill (if she herself does not bring herself to such a state). Discord in relationships is a typical situation for 90% of families.

Men are polygamous by nature, so do not dramatize what is happening. This is how fate has developed for this period, tomorrow everything will radically change for the better. To survive this situation, you need to take into account the following tips and recommendations:

I looked at my husband in fascination, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like a lovesick jerk...

They never admit to their ex-wives that they feel bad, that they are drawn home - they are proud and cool. But nature and alcohol, and I met them on a hike organized by our psychologist, loosened their tongues.

I will not name the city, their real names - I promised them.

And why is it necessary; alas, typical tragedies, typical mistakes that take place near us. Both pain and resentment are the same.

How I want men to find strength and courage in themselves and return to their first wives. So that the finale was like in the movie "Love and Doves".

Mikhail, 44 years old, lawyer:

My wife Katya and I knew each other for only six months and decided to get married as soon as we graduated from the institute. She studied in a parallel course. tall, beautiful, long hair. I immediately noticed the hair. She still hasn't cut them, although she wanted to a hundred times, especially in the summer. The wedding was played in my parents' apartment and spent half the night walking with friends. Young, happy. Then the first daughter was born. And after that we couldn't get pregnant for a long time. And the second daughter was born only 12 years later. I don't know how all this could happen to me. We did everything ourselves. When I lost my business, Katya took everything on her shoulders.

At the same time, I behaved disgustingly. I was ashamed of the lack of money, and I took it out on her. We overcame everything, Katyushka started talking about the third child. I remember how we danced with her at the graduation of Anna's eldest daughter. Teachers said that we ourselves are like graduates. And it seemed that the more we are together, the closer we become. And then Katya was invited to a very good position. The daughter went to Moscow to study. We were left alone. My wife disappeared at work, and so did I. And then there comes a moment that I still can not forgive myself. I want to close my eyes and erase everything from my life. To make it clear to other men who are now at a crossroads or through the looking glass. I will explain everything in detail.

We did not become strangers with my wife, everything was fine with us. Moreover, she was my closest friend. But now all my friends began to get divorced in batches. And our men's recreation, fishing, kayaking began to take place in a different way. Women began to appear. Alcohol, laughter, freedom. That's how I met Toma. A friend of one of my friend's ladies. When I was driving home, I was not ashamed. This is just one time. But one time it didn't work. I was drawn. She lived alone. Met during lunch break. And it was just a passion, but so strong that it was hard to cope. At the same time, relations with his wife were still close. These were my different lives, I did not connect them in my head. And then there was a quarrel with Katya over some trifle, then a second, a third. She did feel. I started picking on her. Specially. And, what surprises me now, I did not feel guilty. After one of the quarrels, I packed my things and left.

I called Tom, she accepted. I spent the whole week like in a fairy tale. In the morning, a five-course breakfast, massaged my legs, jumped over me. Then my mom called. I will not convey the conversation, but I was hurt by the fact that she told me who I am without Katya. None. And here I am God for a woman. And there I am Misha. With all the shortcomings and flaws. Something like this. Everything happened very quickly. Katya and I divorced, I began to live with Toma. New friends, girlfriends, her parents. I met with my daughter, the eldest was just in shock. The family said so: he exchanged his mother for ...

Exactly a year - and I realized that I live with a complete stranger. I wake up, I look at her and I'm ready to scream from loneliness

She doesn’t need my children, jealousy for the youngest just killed. Only “NECESSARY” is left: we need to make a balcony, we need to buy a laminate, we need to change the wallpaper, we need to connect gas to the house for our parents ... The passion is gone. I see in front of me a lazy female consumer who knows nothing about family life. In the evening with friends, cafes, movies, gatherings. There is nothing to eat at home, I cook myself. Well, it's his own fault ... And there is no such warmth. Only horror that I lost my Katya. That my children have experienced it. Now I live in an apartment, I rent. My wife will not forgive me, I know that for sure. And I can’t admit that I miss you and want a family. It's a blur, nothing else. Opposite of myself. It's a shame that the wife is already dating someone ... Life has collapsed, that's for sure.

Dmitry, 39 years old, civil servant:

We were sent on a business trip for a month. In another city, four specialists. Leaving family was hard. Still summer. How will they cope without me at the dacha? I thought about it all the time. My son and wife Masha sent me photos and pictures via Viber. And then I started an affair. Just like that, with nothing to do. Another city, no one will know. The girl is pretty, naive, young. I am 34, she is 22 and already has a one year old son. Some kid didn't want to be held accountable. It became a pity.

In the evenings we walked along the beautiful embankment, I bought her ice cream, she was very happy with any gift. And I got attached. Very fast. Didn't even expect it. Then they parted with tears, because I did not deceive her: I said that I was married and had an eleven-year-old son. Left. But we continued to correspond. Masha asked why I coded the phone, I had to lie. And I missed you a lot.

I came up with a business trip, again went to Nastya for a week. And I realized that I did not want to leave anymore. And I’m such a bastard, I came to my wife with champagne and flowers, I say, we need to seriously discuss something. There was a scandal, then tears, Masha begged to think about her son, family. Then she kicked out.

I rented an apartment and moved Nastya and her son to my city. All our friends did not understand anything, the parents spoke out: “Your life, decide, you are a man.” Masha's friends said that she had completely broken down, she was crying all day long, her son had slipped into school. It was very painful to hear it. Divorced difficult, with the division of property and scandals. I almost hated Masha. Nastya supported me ... And all the time I thought that you shouldn’t get married early, real love can come during marriage and it will hurt everyone. What now? I do not even know where to start. I am raising someone else's child, to whom I have not become attached, the boy is very complex, with behavioral problems and tantrums. Nastya is a good girl, but not my person at all. Do you understand? I was on an equal footing with Masha, she is smart, educated, serious, purposeful. Nastya does not want to work, study, does not want anything. I replace her father, or something.

There is nothing to talk about, in the evenings "Dom-2", there are no girlfriends, she does not want to communicate with my friends. If earlier my house was hospitable and feasting, now, in order to invite me to visit, I buy food for the table. Nastya leaves with her son so as not to interfere. He is silent with the wives of friends, hides in a corner and is silent. I wanted to pay for her institute - no, it's not necessary. I watch old Soviet films - I don’t know a single one. I don't know what else to say.

My Masha is still alone. And I miss her and my son for three years now. The child is already a teenager, such a good guy. I can't tell her that I love her. After such betrayal, after such pain, what have I done. Friends already believed in mysticism: like they just bewitched me then.

But I understand that I succumbed to something else. That I exchanged a very important and expensive for a simple and unnecessary for me. Nastya clung to me like ivy. “You took me out of my city. You took responsibility for me and my son!” How it all hurts. How could it be possible to get into trouble without brains, thinking something else. If Masha had forgiven me, I would have returned. But, as practice shows, men are rarely forgiven for such things. And what to do next, I do not know.

Alexey, 61 years old, builder:

I have a short and sad story. Bes in the ribs. I lived with my wife for 27 years. We have a son and a daughter - the weather. It was difficult, but my wife and I were still halves, we coped well with all the difficulties.

Immediately after the birth of my grandson, I found a woman. Or rather, she me. I liked all this attention, I felt like a young man, not a grandfather. And I was very upset that I began to age. He was as young as he could. And here is a beautiful single lady 15 years younger than me. I won’t say that I was a good girl in marriage, there were all sorts of things: both buns on the side, and fleeting novels, but my wife Tanya has always been a priority. And here is the thing - fell in love. We met for a year, and then she delivered an ultimatum. And at home there are spins, cucumbers, tomatoes, the wife in a dirty apron screams. And I wanted a new one beautiful life. We, men, do not always understand, or rather, we forget that we are not gifts in life. That our women have got used to us, that we are already dear people, a lot is forgiven. I left Tanya.

The children did not talk to me, mutual friends staged a boycott. Everyone took the side of the wife. She lost 20 kg, became haggard, fell ill. The son shouted: “Dad, are you a fool at all? You are different with her, look!”

Olechka tried to improve relations with the children, she did not have her own. I asked my grandson for the weekend. But it was taboo. Really, my life is different. We traveled to Egypt, Turkey, Thailand, the United Arab Emirates. Everything was beautiful and unusual. My wife and I had private house, and rested there, sometimes leaving for a sanatorium on a work permit or to Lazarevskoye. Olya changed hats, spoke slowly and somehow in a cinematic way. I still thought how such a woman chose me. And then I got sick. And I had to be taken care of. Stroke. Olya held out for two months, and then asked the children to pick me up, because she had a job, and I was unattended. She became irritable, said that she did not have enough money, and now she had to work hard. This is where it all came to me. Who is friend and who is foe.

My wife took me! Can you imagine it? She went out, but did not forgive. "Love and pigeons" - good film but life is not like that. I have been living in a hostel for five years now. I'm not happy with myself. I understand that I love my wife and children and grandchildren. But nothing can be returned. It's a very scary feeling! Highly! Understand that he himself destroyed everything. That you betrayed and then betrayed you. That your wife never found a man. That you are now alone and not attracted to any woman.

Maxim, 35 years old, entrepreneur:

I filed for divorce myself. He himself decided to go to his mistress and he himself now bears all this on his shoulders. My wife doesn't even know how bad I feel. I have such a character: I can’t confess and fall into the dirt on my face. And now I understand how nasty I acted. I left my wife and daughter because of love. It seemed to me that this was correct. When you can't live without someone anymore. Everything started very quickly. Julia came to my office as an accountant, put everything in order, smiling, beautiful, with humor. Such is the whole megastar, freedom-loving and passionate about pole dancing. And I got. Our romance lasted two years! And then she said she was pregnant. And then I decided that this is a sign. He left the family, my second daughter was born.

The first went to the second grade. I helped my first wife and child. He seemed to do everything like a decent man. Julia posted our photos on social networks, on Instagram happy faces, “breakfast for a loved one”, the first steps of my daughter, the blue coast of Bali, that’s what my Kotya gave me, “a happy family on vacation”, “my beloved pampers me with this and that ". Instagram is really beautiful and happy…

In fact, our fights are endless. From morning to evening on weekends, in the morning breakfast is not at all for me, but for a photo.

There is almost no bed, I work with the child, Yulia at my training. There can be no talk of work, she is a star, and she should be appreciated just by her side ... And next to me was a selfish, ostentatious person, aimed only at external beauty ...

We came to my grandparents, so she squeamishly washed all the forks before sitting down to the table. I couldn’t go to the toilet: “It smells like old people there ...” It’s impossible to make a remark, immediately a scandal. You can not talk - screams. But on the street we are a happy, beautiful, awesome couple with a stroller for 120 thousand (this is very important for her). And I watch Irina, my first wife, more and more. And more and more I understand who I lost. And for whom. There is a child, here is a child. Irina is a lawyer in good company, a smart daughter. Home is a cozy place… My daughter says that her mother watches social media pages with me. She says it hurts, but dad found his happiness and you have to be smart and forgive. What happiness?

If you knew, our calm, kind, sweet women, what could be hiding behind this. Once, for the fifth wedding anniversary, I gave Irina a picture with humor, where our faces have grown old and children and grandchildren are around us. She is still in front of my eyes.

The husband went to his mistress. How long will it take to get him home? The advice of a psychologist will give you an answer to this question and tell you how to behave correctly in this period, so that in the end he will return to you again and want to stay with you. And he perceived his mistress as an unsuccessful hobby, which must be forgotten as soon as possible and deleted from his life. And it will definitely pull him home exactly in six months, you can not even doubt it! In fact, your situation is what in psychology is called the “rocker effect”. And it is considered a classic in relations between spouses. Simply put, 90 percent of couples on planet Earth go through similar stories.

In most of them, men prefer to return home. Rarely do they want to stay with mistresses.

So, what is the "rocker effect"? This is when there are equal relations in a couple and both partners love each other equally. But over time, then from one bucket, then from another, water begins to drip onto the floor, and the yoke can no longer be carried smoothly, it will outweigh it in one direction or the other. The same is true for your couple. If the husband temporarily exchanged you for a mistress, then the last word is now his. His behavior upset the balance. He wants to leave, he wants to try a relationship with another woman. Moreover, now it seems to him that that other one will completely change his whole life, make it sweet, pleasant. He will no longer have problems, but only lightness, positive and regular sex. All of these are hormones. Or in another way - temporary love.

Before you continue reading, we advise you to watch the following video:

But six months pass, a maximum of a year, the man lives with his mistress, on whom he had very high hopes. Life appears, the solution of issues, problems, quarrels ... and over time, he begins to understand that this woman is no different from others. Or maybe even vice versa. She has a lot more cockroaches in her head than you, his beloved wife, with whom he had been married for more than one year. The situation is aggravated by the fact that love (hormones) passes, the spouse gradually begins to look to the side ...

And where does he look first? Correctly. How you live there, his ex-wife!

Now, the most important thing. In order for him to return to you, you must behave correctly in this situation. And then success is guaranteed to you!

What do we have to do?

1 If he decides to go to another, do not hold him. Do not beg, do not beg, do not hysteria, and even more so do not threaten, and do not humiliate yourself in front of him. Now he is dominated by emotions, and your attempts to prove or explain something to him will simply not bring the proper action. Need time.

Therefore, openly let him know that you love him, that it hurts you to lose him, but you will always respect his feelings and emotions. If he made such a decision, you will not interfere with him.

2 Get rid of the negativity. The husband must be forgiven. It is very important. Since all this pain, resentment and your desire for revenge, first of all, poison you, and from the inside. And sooner or later lead to serious diseases. Do you really not love yourself so much that you are ready to live day and night in this negativity? Moreover, until you forgive him, you willy-nilly will pour out all this negativity on him. In portions, but you will.

Because you won't be able to accumulate it in yourself all your life. Treat the situation philosophically: he did not intentionally offend you, he simply spoke openly about his feelings. Now it seems to him that he needs another woman, and he even, perhaps, believes in it himself. But, as we know, everything flows, everything changes ...

3 Take care of yourself. You now have a wonderful opportunity to completely devote your free time to your beloved. While he “ripens” to the right and right decision to return to you, push him to this decision yourself.

How? Show him that you are much better than his current woman. Not only does he realize it himself. He will still see what a beautiful, clever and "Komsomol member" you have become, which means he will definitely want to come back to you. This effect can be achieved very simply:

Second, you need to change your life. It should not end with a man, and even more so, it should not revolve around him. In order not to live only with memories “about him”, you will have to find for yourself, organize and come up with new memories with which your life will now be filled.

Start talking to people, go out somewhere in the evenings. Start new hobbies and new hobbies that you like. Be sure to exercise, as it is the perfect cure for depression and bad mood. In a word, start filling your life with something new, interesting, and not just relationships and memories of your man.

4 Devalue the relationship with him. All psychologists in this world will unanimously tell you one simple thing that works like clockwork: if we hold onto something very strongly, it eludes us. And vice versa, if we devalue something, then it will definitely come to us, by itself. Devalue your union with your spouse. Convince yourself that with him, of course, you will be happy, but without him, you will not be lost either. As soon as you do this, the principle of life will work, and he will definitely want to return to you.

Your indifference will hook him even more. This is all inherent in the male psyche: the more difficult a woman is given to him in his hands, the more interesting he is with her, and he appreciates her more later. So do not waste time, but act.

So, let's once again make a small, short conclusion from our article. The husband went to his mistress. How long will it take to get him home? The advice of a psychologist says this: after six months, at least, after a year, maximum. The trick is that you, in this situation, behave as correctly as possible. Then you will have a chance not only to return it, but also to receive a lot of gifts and privileges, as an apology for the fact that he dared to leave you.

What should be done?

1. 1. Don't keep it. Do not hysteria, do not beg and do not threaten. Respect the privacy of the other person.
   2. Let go of resentment towards your spouse. Learn to make any situation work for you, not against yourself.
   3. Work on yourself. Change yourself so that he gasps at the next meeting from your smart and bright appearance.
   4. Openly let him know that your romance is not over yet, but you will not keep it.

If the husband is gone, your emotions are clearly choking you. You feel like crying, screaming, blaming your husband for your suffering, hitting faces, etc. But understand that you don’t need to do all this. Admit two things to yourself.

First, you are very sick. Recognize that you are experiencing negative emotions. Second, don't run from your feelings. Accept that you really want your husband back. You hope that he will return to you and understand who he has lost.

Don't run from yourself. Accept your desires that contradict your resentment and anger at your husband. This is quite natural, since emotions are caused by existing circumstances, and desires look into the future and see what is desired there.

Know about the following:

1. It is necessary to wait time. Now you feel bad and unbearable. But time will pass and you will feel better. It will definitely happen, you just have to wait.
2. The worst has already happened. Rejoice in the fact that all the bad things are already in the past.
3. Be open to everything that was previously forbidden. Understand that with the departure of your husband, his inhibitions have gone with him. What was previously not allowed to you is now available and permissible for you.
4. Expand your social circle. Meet new people. It is not necessary to meet men and start new relationships with them. Allow yourself to just communicate, get new emotions, be distracted from the past.

The departure of a husband is the appearance of your freedom in everything. You can suffer and waste your time on it. And you can live freely and enjoy your new opportunities.

Sometimes wives, even after parting with their husbands, want them back. Think again if you really need it. If you still intend to return your husband, then act. Understand that husbands become very imprudent and approachable as they gain freedom.

• Be always beautiful and well-groomed. Tidy up your appearance. Lose weight, start using makeup.
• stay in good mood. Always smile and be cheerful.
• Get your thoughts in order. It normalizes your emotional state.
• Do house cleaning. Throw away all the things your husband did not take with him. Do some cleaning, possibly repairs. Live like everything is great.
• Find the “highlight” in yourself that attracts men. Demonstrate or use it constantly.
• Be casual, accidentally catch the eye of your ex.
• Never be in bad mood. If conflict situations occur, remain calm and do not show anger.
• Establish a warm relationship with your ex-mother-in-law.
• Become a friend ex-husband. Really be friends with him, do not bind to yourself and do not impose. Always talk about how good life is for you. Be ready to help your husband when he asks for help.
• Be sometimes weak, ask your ex-husband for help.

Let your husband go if he leaves. At the same time, do not part with him forever. Remove the reasons why he left you. This will be difficult to do, because first you will need to admit to yourself that you, too, were to blame for something. You made mistakes - you need to eliminate them and do not make them again.

Of course now main question- will the faithful come back
?

Often after 40 years, a crisis begins in men - they do not want to grow old, and the realization that this is inevitable makes them weird. Usually they try to cheer up with an affair with a young girl to prove: “I still hoo
».

How events will develop depends on a lot: on the reaction of the spouse and on his age. If a crisis hit a man at the age of 40, he may get excited, but he will soon return, and at 55 he is unlikely to leave.

If you do not want to lose your husband, follow a wise policy:

• Do not scandal when you learn about treason;
• Don't spread rumors;
• Perhaps it is better to pretend that you do not notice anything, for the time being;

Try to return it cunningly, without scandals, and even more so, do everything so that the problems do not affect children.

In this situation, the victory will be for the one who has more endurance and a sharper mind. You should not now flog a fever and expel your spouse, it is better to let go and say a couple of kind words that you love and wait. This should be done if he packed a suitcase.

If he doesn't leave yet, proceed carefully.
:

1. Pay attention to your appearance, it may need to be put in order;
2. Try to dispel the atmosphere at home - meet him from work with a smile, prepare a new menu;
3. Introduce mysteries - disappear and do not call, for example, say that you need to leave and without explaining where you are going;
4. Ask a friend to call in the evenings as if it's not her, but a new colleague. But the main thing is not to overdo it with jealousy, otherwise he will think that everything is fine with you and you can safely leave;
5. Do something you've never done before - enroll in a course, go to the gym or take dance classes. Develop and grow before his eyes.

Even if it doesn’t work out and he goes to a rival, it will be easier for you to survive what has happened, because now you are an athletic beautiful woman who is used to always smiling and looking at the world with a positive.

Of course, I want to understand what to expect, and most importantly - how much time will pass until he comes to his senses. But this is a gross mistake - to set a time frame, so you will experience more. On the other hand, you can’t wait forever if he firmly decided that life must be improved.

According to psychologists, serious relationships on the side last about 8 months.
. But everything is individual, some men walk all their lives, while extolling their wife above all and surrounding her with care and all sorts of attention. Others sometimes go on a spree to maintain self-esteem and vitality.

It all depends on you now - what are you ready for in order to save the family and how long will you endure it. Focus on the situation, your and his character, relationships. No one can tell when a loved one will return, not even himself.

Overall, relax and have fun. possible ways, do not sour at home, let resentment and pain push you forward, and not pull you to the bottom.

Yes, it is hard and scary to understand that the husband has gone to his mistress, perhaps for a long time or forever. But life goes on as usual, and your task is not to fall out of it, but to use difficulties for personal growth.

Hello dear readers. In this article we will consider the situation when the husband went to his mistress. You will learn what can influence such a decision. Find out which women men go to. We will figure out what needs to be done in this situation, what mistakes should not be made.

If the husband went to live with another woman, do not immediately despair. Perhaps his feelings have not cooled down yet and you are still ahead, you can try to return your spouse home. To do this, proceed as follows.

1. Analyze your life together. Make lists of positives and negatives. It is important to do this sincerely, if necessary, instill. Analyzing these points, an understanding should come of whether you need this person. You may not have been happy with him, and it's time to let him go.
2. Think about what your living together in recent months. Remember how it was when your relationship was just beginning. Analyze what has changed. Try to return to that starting point to start over.
3. You can try to provoke your husband to jealousy, if there is confidence that the man still has some feelings for you. Proceed with caution. The best, if the information that another man appeared in your life, came to your spouse from someone from outside. It can also be posted in social network photos of beautiful outfits, visit interesting places. Let your spouse think that this is your boyfriend taking you somewhere and giving you gifts.
4. Try to improve family life. It must be understood that mistresses are rarely adapted to housekeeping, so it is desirable that the wife demonstrate how clean, cozy and comfortable the house is.
5. Try to arrange a surprise date. Perfect for a romantic dinner. A man can be invited under some important pretext. Perhaps he himself will not spoil to improve your relationship.

When the husband left for another, the wife usually wonders if she will return or not. This question does not arise immediately, a woman must first go through a state of shock.

Psychologists talk about a minimum of 7-9 days needed to return to a relatively calm psychological state. After this period, you can ask yourself questions, look for answers.

• If the husband went to his mistress, the existence of which was known until X hour, if the husband has already had "absences" on this occasion, then even his radical "left" is not always true.

It is quite comfortable for a man to exist in conditions of double female attention and he is unlikely to deprive himself of such pleasure.

• Another thing is when the presence of a contender for her husband became known after the fact. Apparently, something significant prompted the man to reveal his cards and decide on priorities. So, the mistress was able to seduce him with something that her husband lacked at home.

And not always it is beauty, intelligence or sex. Perhaps your man simply did not have enough care, tenderness or attention to his affairs.

• The most optimistic scenario is a young passion. The husband went to a young mistress, how to survive? No need to worry. The prognosis in this case is the most favorable. As soon as the demon comes out of the rib, the husband will return to where everything is in its order, where there is a delicious dinner and a cozy home.

Possible reasons

Why did the husband leave? Willy-nilly, this question excites a woman who is distracted from thoughts about how he now lives there, whether he remembers her, regrets what happened. Let's understand what were the reasons for his departure, so that if possible they would no longer be created and even eliminated if the husband returns:

1. Resentment, reproaches, scandals. There is a lot of that in family relationships. Husband and wife cannot live smoothly - this is normal, because they are not the same people. However, sometimes the relationship does become too overflowing with resentment, disappointment, anger and quarrels. If every evening you argued with your husband, noticed that he no longer wanted to talk to you, was in no hurry to go home, it means that at that moment your husband broke off relations with you.
2. Wife's carelessness. If after marriage registration If you gradually stop caring for yourself, use cosmetics, and become stout, especially after the appearance of children, then the husband may have his own claims against his wife. Undoubtedly, it can be understood that you have gained weight due to pregnancy, and you do not use cosmetics, because you do not have time for this. Still, sometimes you need to show your desire to be beautiful. You can lose weight after childbirth, and you can use cosmetics at least in a minimal amount.
3. Leaving head to work. Some women become careerists. If someone is lucky enough to get into a company where people are promoted in a career position, then a woman may go too far into work. If the house is not constantly cleaned, the children are not brought up, and the husband sits on semi-finished products, this may eventually bother him. The husband married not a careerist, but a woman, hoping that she would take care of the house.
4. Lack of sexual satisfaction. Often in marital relationships, wives stop with their husbands cool and often have sex. Everything seems to be changing. Husbands think that now they will be provided with constant sex, but no such luck. Wives constantly refer to headaches, fatigue, menstruation, or being busy with children, that husbands have a natural desire to find lovers to replace them.

These reasons are the most common, because of which men begin to make lovers. Leaving the family indicates that the reasons have indeed reached an extreme. If a man is uncomfortable in his family, then he agrees to leave in a relationship with his mistress. Additional factors may be:

• Striving to be free. This happens when a man is burdened by family relationships.
• Striving for novelty. This reason is very superficial, so often husbands soon return to their wives, because they get bored with their mistresses.
• Boredom. A man is bored in a relationship with his wife, so he meets with a mistress with whom he can talk, get love and support.
• Sex compensation.
• Striving for new sensations. A man always needs fresh impressions, sometimes he takes them from a relationship with his mistress.
• Desire to develop. If a man does not develop in a relationship with his wife, then he uses the services of a mistress who clearly inspires him.

1. Tendency to polygamous relationships. It must be remembered that among Muslim peoples polygamy is a common occurrence. But it must be borne in mind that such behavior is unacceptable for representatives of Christianity. In the presence of such a reason, a man, as a rule, having walked up, returns to his family.
2. Hunter instinct. A man has a pattern of behavior characterized by the need to conquer a woman. If the spouse loses her mystery, attractiveness, the husband has a need to find a new mysterious young lady. As a rule, after he conquers another woman, solves it, returns to his wife.
3. Suppression of the will of a man. The case of c, who eventually loses control of himself and wants to rebel against the situation in which he finds himself. There is a need to find a woman who will see him as a representative of the stronger sex, who will allow him to resolve issues and take care of himself. It is not surprising that the husband decides to leave for such a woman. However, such cases are not uncommon when a man who is accustomed to his way of life, being independent, still needs someone to control him, to indicate how to behave. Therefore, over time, he returns to his wife.
4. The fading of passion. After the years that the spouses lived in marriage, their passionate, love relationship grow into friendships. A man may need violent feelings, because of this there will be a need to find a woman who will awaken this feeling in him. As a rule, after going to the left, satisfying his animal whim, the man still returns to his wife.
5. Routine. A man can get tired of everyday affairs, from the monotony of family life, which has become dull and boring for him. Constant scandals at home could also poison life. In this situation, a man will also seek salvation on the side, an outlet when communicating with another woman. In this case, the husband rarely returns home if new woman doesn't look like a wife at all.
6. Indifference of the spouse. A situation when a woman is not at all interested in the life of her husband, does not support him, does not notice. Over time, a man realizes that he feels unnecessary, unclaimed and abandoned, so he is looking for a relationship on the side. Happy to create a new family.

How not to behave

1. You should not humiliate yourself, wallow at his feet, ask him not to leave the family. It is necessary to understand that even if a man decides to stay with you, he will treat your person differently in the future. He will be sure that you will always forgive him, you will not be able to live without him, you will do everything for him.
2. Blackmail. It is unacceptable to threaten your husband with the fact that you will not allow you to see your children. Do not say that you decide to commit suicide. Such actions will further push the man to leave, and he will no longer want to communicate with such an unbalanced, inadequate woman.
3. It is unacceptable to ask the wrong questions. No need to ask why the spouse goes to his mistress, why is she better. In such a situation, the husband can either lie or get angry.
4. You don't have to be intrusive. If you plan to return a man home, then it is unacceptable to call him, write, pursue. This will only annoy him, the chances of restoring the marriage will decrease significantly. Such behavior can only flatter male pride.
5. You shouldn't fall into. There are cases when, after a break in relations, a person went into a depressive state and remained in it for long years, he could not exist normally, was constantly oppressed, had no strength for life. Is the man who betrayed you, abandoned you, left for another, worth it to put an end to himself, to suffer, to be deprived of the opportunity to meet another person, more worthy.
6. It is impossible immediately after the husband left, to start a new relationship. This is a fairly natural desire to repay your spouse in the same coin, but is it worth it to belittle yourself like that? Once in the same bed with the first person you meet, you realize that you are doing wrong and will feel disgusting. You will be disgusted that you have contacted some man for whom you do not even have any feelings.

No matter how difficult the situation is, a woman should not lose her own dignity. It is important to keep reason and wisdom. Sometimes it’s better to accept a man’s choice and let him go than to humiliate himself and wallow at his feet.

1. Try to listen more than talk. Let the man speak out, talk about the reason for making his decision. If he sees that you do not make a scandal, do not tear your hair, do not blame, do not insult, then he will have a feeling of guilt and respect for you as a woman.
2. Let your spouse make their own choices. Understand that trying to save a family at any cost is not always the right decision. Understand that even with the help of threats, blackmail, you can only temporarily stop your husband, but his attitude towards you will change. Yes, and you will constantly come up with thoughts of his betrayal. Over time, the husband will still go to another woman.
3. Recognize your uniqueness. You should not think that you are worse than your rival, that she is more beautiful or smarter, more economical. You need to understand that husbands leave both smart and beautiful women, sometimes to gray mice. Therefore, you should not take the departure of your spouse on a close account, get upset. In another woman, he was attracted by something that you lack, however, this does not mean that this is precisely the appearance, figure or age.
4. It is advisable to maintain a good relationship with your husband, even after he leaves for another woman, especially if you have common children. However, you should not behave with him as with your best friend, to whom you can cry into a vest, talk about the horror of a lonely life. When communicating with a husband who left you, try to disengage from what happened, speak common topics. If there is a divorce, division of property, then you need to try to resolve all issues peacefully.
5. Don't try to invade his personal space. Try to know the measure in everything. You don't have to constantly ask for help. You must understand that now a man is not obliged to behave as before, because he now has a new family.
6. Engage in self-development. For starters, start with a new hairstyle, buy new clothes. You can rearrange the furniture. You also need to decide on a new business. It is important that all your time be busy with something, there is no time left to think about sad things.
7. Keep talking to people. It is necessary that the circle of your communication constantly expands. It is very important to communicate with people, especially those who have experienced a similar situation in their lives. It is unacceptable to withdraw into oneself, to isolate oneself from society.
8. If you have children, pay attention to them. Now you need to replace him with his father, who used to be constantly there, but now he is not. It is necessary to explain to the kids that you and your dad will have to live separately. It is important that the mother maintains emotional balance at the same time. Remember that parental problems can affect the psyche of the child.
9. There is no need to sit and wait for your dear husband to return. Continue to live as before. If destined, then the man will change his mind and crawl himself to ask for forgiveness. And, perhaps, it’s better for you that your husband left, it’s impossible that in the near future you will meet a person who is really sent to you by fate. It is also important not to allow thoughts about the husband’s life, not to try to find out from close relatives about how he lives, what kind of relationship he has now. Such behavior will only amuse the pride of a man, and you will be saddened and hurt.
10. Realize that it's time to love yourself. Listen to what you want, not your husband, not your children. Do what you have denied yourself for a long time. Understand that you deserve more, you should not hold on to a man as some kind of ideal image. It's time to realize that you have a new life in front of you, start with a clean slate.

Now you know the answer to the question why husbands go to their mistresses. Of course, this event is very painful for a woman who has lost a loved one. However, you need to remember how it is unacceptable to behave in such a situation, do not forget about your own pride.

There are such situations - quite frequent - when the husband went to his mistress
, then he began to visit the previous family again, first with a reason, then without. The wife quietly rejoices, but prematurely - the husband still does not return. The mistress is angry - what are you all dangling about ?! And so for a long time, here and there.

I am sometimes reproached for being too categorical when I urge to give a traitor a kick in one place - they say, male psychology is arranged differently. Well, today I will tell you about the psychology of such men.

At my last job, I had several male colleagues - they all walked, regardless of age. One of them was frank about his adventures, I even knew his mistress. When I asked - “You understand that your wife, too, can sooner or later take advantage of the fact that you are not always at home and get someone?”.

To which he replied very emotionally: “Damn! No, first I’ll get divorced, then I’ll bury!” To my great satisfaction, after about 3 years, his wife still cuckolded him. Do you think he stole someone or ran to get a divorce in order to finally go to his mistress?

No matter how. He turned into a tearful, snotty nonentity who sobbed on the shoulder of his colleagues, his mistress, his wife's friends and drank valerian with corvalol. Having survived the first stress, he directed all his efforts to restoring relations with his wife. I realized that I was a bad husband, I began to learn how to cook, etc.

This is not the only story. Main mistake wives who decide to keep unfaithful husbands in excessive diligence. Show that she is better than her rival, focus on children, family, etc. Understand one thing: if a man has no intention to leave, he will not leave, even if you try, even if you don’t.

If he wants - the same. Therefore, the best thing you can do is to hasten his departure if he is thinking, or put him out if he is not thinking about anything and is not going to leave. I'll explain it in terms of psychology a bit later.

I do not advise you to change in response - because here the result is 50 to 50. Maybe he will forget his mistress and rush to return you, or maybe he will put you out with a black eye. Very often, after the wife's reciprocal betrayal, for some time, relations improve, including sexual ones.

Also, my advice is never admit to your infidelity, even if the husband found evidence. Stay until the very end. His suspicions are revenge enough on your part, trust me. But if you're caught red-handed, don't say, "He means nothing to me!

It's easier for us women to hear such excuses. For men, it's the opposite. If you say that you met a week ago and just slept drunk, the husband will think that his woman is an easily accessible whore that anyone can lay down after a couple of glasses.

So what to do if the husband went to his mistress
or living a double life. Lovers will also benefit from reading. But keep in mind one thing - if a man went to another immediately, collecting a minimum of things, and disappeared from your life, then here you are unlikely to fix anything.

1. Suspended situation lasting for years, when a man withdraws himself and leaves women to fight for him while he passively stands aside.

2. A man finds a third woman and goes to her.

3. A man finds something to do, in which he plunges headlong, moving away from his wife and mistress. For example, he joins the gym and diligently “pulls iron” or creates a rock band or something else.

What will happen to the husband?

Often, ex-wives continue to take care of their husbands, even if they have long gone to their mistresses. Here, wives need to stop being mothers to their men, which, most likely, also became the reason for their departure. “How is the husband?

Read how cynically and indifferently they write about their wives. Understand that if your husband had feelings for you, he would not leave you. Having a mistress is one thing. But leaving her wife for her is already a real reason to understand that the husband no longer clings to his wife.

What will happen to the husband? There aren't many options here:

1. He may soon realize that he has actually lost a wonderful wife. He may want to return or just to establish communication with her.
2. He can be happy with his new partner. This is also possible, accept it.
3. He may be disappointed in his mistress, including, but not return to his wife. This happens when a man left his wife not for his mistress, but because he no longer wanted to be with her. If a man is disappointed in his mistress too, then he will simply become free to find himself a new woman.

How to live on after the husband leaves for his mistress, it is up to you personally to decide. Nobody is responsible for your future but you. Even your husband no longer takes responsibility for making you happy. What happens in the end is up to you.

You can suffer and remember the betrayal of your husband all night long. Nothing but depression will develop in you. You can try to forget about the past. At first, it will be very difficult to do this, but time will still let go and erase your experiences.

In other words, start new life. Stop thinking about your husband - he is already an adult boy to be responsible for his decisions and actions. He has already made his decision about who to live with. You now have your life left, which you can spend on anything.

You can be understood at the moment when your husband leaves you, saying that he has another. But you cannot be understood months after this event. Are you still hoping for your husband's return? But think for yourself why you need such a person.

Often exes come back only because they have not yet succeeded in their personal lives. But that doesn't mean they love it. Do you understand? If the husband comes back to you, then rather not out of love, but in order to simply restore his strength and find a new woman again.

Why did the beloved husband leave the family

Lack of sex

So, the first reason a man leaves the family is a banal lack of sex. “Headache”, “tired”, “no mood” - familiar? It will pass a couple of times, and then the man will instinctively look for another partner, and if he likes everything about her, he can easily leave soon.

This can also be attributed to the routine in sexual relations. And this, by the way, is the business of a woman - to maintain this fire! Games, flirting, erotic lingerie, romantic evenings in marriage are not canceled! Close all sexual fantasies of each other, otherwise your partner will close them on the side. How to find out what he dreams about in bed? Ask!

and wash socks, and clean the house, and cook food, and look after the children. It is this "mommy syndrome" that pushes a man to leave in order to be realized as a man in the family, and not to be a "rag" under the wing of a super-caring wife.

I know men who can only cook scrambled eggs on their own and don't know how to turn it on. washing machine and this at the age of 80! Nightmare! And subconsciously they don’t sleep with such a “mother”, a man will avoid sexual relations with such a woman.

We get married, in the hope that we can make him what we want. Will not work. A man is a person, with his own principles, habits and beliefs. And the older the man, the more conservative he is.

Choose what you like and fit. You do not go to the store for boots, but buy felt boots? When you remake a man, he will freak out, get angry, and this will be reflected in relationships, incl. and sexy. This is from the series: I want the fish to become a cat, and immediately!

If a woman humiliates, insults a man (even if he deserves it), especially in public. With such a woman, a man will not linger for a long time.

Also, one of the reasons why a husband leaves is not a well-groomed woman, including at home. In fact, it is very important for a man to see a well-groomed, beautiful, attractive, sexy, cheerful woman at home (dirty bathrobes, torn clothes, unwashed hair, etc.).

do not give beauty). Why, if a woman is a model (on the catwalk or a fashion model) and a man knows about it, does he try to win her over, without often thinking about her character, state of health, etc.? Because it is a recognized beauty, and since.

It's no secret to anyone that a man likes feminine women (just like women like masculine men). If a woman is used to solving everything herself, “puts pressure” on a man, gives orders, then he turns into a weak-willed creature and gets used to it.

Bad character

In the flower-candy stage of the relationship, each side shows its best qualities. When the marriage is already formalized, they forget about it and reveal it to the fullest! Disappointment comes: he took the wrong one, married the wrong one ... If a man, for example, does not smoke, and a woman loves to smoke and is not going to quit, this can cause a divorce, although everything is fine in all other areas.

This case from my practice: 16 years of marriage with really good relationships and sex, but the woman could not sacrifice this smoking habit, and the man simply hated and could not stand cigarette smoke.

There are beliefs that are easy to change, but there are life principles that a person usually retains for life. Beliefs: For example, drinking 2 liters of water a day is stupid. After visiting any training or going to a normal doctor, the belief changes in one minute and the person is already a supporter of drinking water. Principle:

for example, I will never steal someone else's thing, I do not use drugs under any pretext, I am constantly learning new things and improving, I eat only food that strengthens and supports my body (this is the principle of health), I do not allow anyone to humiliate me and etc. If there are global discrepancies in principles, the marriage will unequivocally fall apart.

There are people for whom relatives play a very important role in their lives. Example: Eastern countries. If your man is from this category, and you cannot stand his relatives, you will have to put up with it, just limit the time of communication with them. Quarrels with his relatives can also lead to a cooling of feelings.

How not to behave

If the husband went to his mistress, then how to survive this? Especially if you have been a housewife for a long time. Now everything has changed. You must take action, do not expect help from him, friends, parents. Start looking for a job.

Just believe that you can. And everything will work out, soon you will become financially independent, and this will also bring you satisfaction. After all, these are your funds, and only you can dispose of them at your discretion.

And now the woman was left alone, what should be the algorithm of her actions? It all depends on the specific situation. If a man does not have a new girlfriend, it is better to behave as follows: occasionally intersect in a common company or at parties, while looking chic;

invite her husband to her so that he takes the remaining things and at the same time remembers the warmth of the hearth; if the couple has children together, spend time together, emphasizing the importance of family values;

if a man is seriously offended, there is no need to ask for forgiveness, it is worth proving by your actions that the woman has repented (show how upset you are, say that you will improve). Psychologists emphasize that the departure of a man does not mean a final separation.

You need to act as follows:

1. There is no need to speak badly about the homeowner;
2. When meeting with a man, you should look perfect;
3. It is also necessary to find a boyfriend for yourself in order to arouse the jealousy of your spouse;
4. You need to behave detached and cold, not showing your inner pain.

If the beloved, then returns, then leaves, and this continues for many months, you should indicate your position. A woman should emphasize that such a guest marriage does not suit her. She can find a suitor for herself, saying that she can live without a spouse.

Psychologists confirm that the constant departure and return of a husband is a sign of his indecision, unwillingness to divorce. The spouse is not ready for parting even in case of slowness in submitting documents to the registry office.

If a man is in no hurry to write a divorce application, you should not rush him. A girl can send romantic SMS to her husband, occasionally cross paths with him - do everything to make the thought of parting seem stupid to him.

Abandoned wives try to fix everything, while the husband has not cooled off towards her at all. But such a tactic is correct only if the man has not carefully thought out his departure in advance. Returning a husband who left in a rush, offended by blackmail or his wife's refusal, is quite simple, but it is no longer possible to change the situation in the event of a planned departure from the family with any persuasion, tears and promises.

Here is what we should not do after the husband leaves the family:

1. Look for meetings with her husband, call him, write messages, start a showdown on the topic: “Who is to blame?” and "Why did he leave?". Such activity of a woman will never lead to the desired results. The husband, who is pursued by his ex-wife, begins to feel like a "hunted game" and tries to run away from her at all costs. Indeed, some ex-wives manage to return their husband back to the family, but this is only if she does not forget about her self-esteem.
2. Feel sorry for yourself and cry, cherishing your loss. No need to make yourself a victim and consider the departure of your husband the end of the world. Try to calm down and not get depressed. The sages say: “When the first door closes, the second one is sure to open.” What you now consider a great misfortune may be the beginning of another relationship, much happier and more meaningful.
3. Put your hands down and stop watching yourself. No need to give up, because after parting with your loved one, life goes on. hairdresser, gym, beauty salon, solarium, swimming pool should be visited according to the previous schedule. Any activity that interests you will distract you from sad thoughts and help you forget your former husband.
4. Take revenge on your ex-husband. We do not recommend threatening, trying to take revenge on her husband and his new passion. Such actions will not give anything good, but the ex-husband will become the reason for asserting the correctness of their decision to leave you. Do not try to reason with the rival to whom your husband has gone. She is different and she does not understand you.
5. Explain to everyone the reason for leaving her husband and tell all sorts of nasty things about him. After all, before his departure, he suited you, and you did not complain to anyone about your life, so why now you so want to be pitied and condemned. Be strong and ignore the rumors. Your personal life may be of interest to many, but it is not necessary to discuss it with work colleagues, friends and neighbors.
6. Immediately look for ways to meet other men. Before you start a new romance with another man, you must understand that if you did not please one, then it is likely that the second will not appreciate you either. Stepping twice on the same rake should not be. Now you should build your relationships with men more competently, you don’t need to associate yourself with a dishonest person just to make your ex-husband jealous.

To get your husband back, try the alienation method. You must completely withdraw from your spouse. Your communication must be dry and strictly for business purposes. Do not call or write anything extra, no interest in his affairs and life, no discussions of the spouse with acquaintances, no random and unnecessary meetings.

At the same time, do not obstruct his communication with children, if you have them. Just do not attend these meetings. For example, let the child go for a walk with the father, or leave the house yourself for this time.

Do not respond to his attempts to start a conversation and do not succumb to provocations. Most likely, your husband will be hurt by your coldness and aloofness. He expected a completely different behavior on your part after breaking up.

Soon his patience will end, and he will start a decisive conversation. At this moment, you must be decisive and firm as never before. Do not live up to his expectations - do not shed tears, do not give any indulgence, and there should certainly not be any conciliatory sex.

Your conditions should be clear, no conventions and no bargaining on his part. In any attempt to put forward counter-demands, cut off the conversation and leave. Yes, your conversation will be complex and tough.

The main thing is not to succumb to emotions and resentment, under their influence you can make trouble. Now categorically
it is forbidden
:

• Arrange a showdown with his mistress. Do not look for meetings with her - save pride and dignity;
• To humiliate yourself in front of your spouse, begging him to return, and to threaten - this will cause a feeling of disgust. Keep outward calm even when he asks for a divorce;
• Complain to everyone in a row - find solace in one reliable friend who you are sure of;
• Throwing yourself at the first person you meet, wanting to take revenge - you still cannot evaluate a man objectively;
• Turn to fortune-tellers - taking advantage of your condition, they will only deceive.

We need to get out of depression, realize what happened and how to proceed. This will take time and a lot of effort - take care of them.

Leave the man alone, let him collect his thoughts and choose, while you live your life for now. But here you need to have nerves of steel and understand that it’s not a fact that you will be chosen and it’s not a fact that a man won’t decide that everything has “settled down”.

Increase stress by making a decision for a man and put him out.

The second option is more suitable for women. In fact, a man who has not left home in the very first months can collect his thoughts for years. Too much frightens him - he leaves his usual apartment, his usual way of life, his usual daily routine, while in the eyes of those around him he is bad, he is condemned.

Do you remember how important it is for a man to be considered good. Plus now he needs to support 2 families. And create your new world from scratch. All this slows down the decision. It's actually very hard.

Maybe even harder than a woman. At least she stays in her environment. And she has a big outlet - she can be distracted by children. The man is not. That is why in the first moments after the breakup, many men gravitate so much to communicating with a child - he reminds of his former life.

By expelling her husband to his mistress before he himself decided it, the wife forms the strongest stress in the man. The discomfort of surprise is added to the above experiences - he is not mature, he is not ready for such drastic changes!

His world is crumbling. He, of course, goes to his mistress, because there is nowhere else - but he sits, yearns, keeps aloof with her, starts drinking or begins to come up with excuses why he needs to go to visit the child.

If a man is 40-50 years old, often such stress leads to serious illnesses. And even death from a heart attack or stroke. But once in the hospital, the man begins to gravitate towards his former life. This is logical.

When you feel bad - you want maximum comfort. And the man was comfortable at home. Plus, he remembers how his wife looked after him, that she knows his sores and, perhaps, even knows the doctors, she has experience and connections in this matter.

There is an ability to make decisions for him while he is sick. And if the mistress is younger, then the man may notice fear and insecurity in her. Worst things so far. The hospital is often the turning point in a love triangle.

But even without health problems, a man begins to reach for ex-wife(for the reasons above). The biggest mistake of a wife is to think that this means something. For now, the man just goes where he can at least relax his soul a little.

He does not think about returning - he yearns for familiar things. If the wife responds to his offer of sex or a joint overnight stay - that's all, she will lose him. A man will be greatly relieved that his former life is available to him and will now run to his wife when he wants a little comfort.

Should I return my husband?

A woman asks questions: how to live, how to survive a breakup, what should I do? Trying to bring him back to his family. But, if you still have thoughts about whether it is worth returning an unfaithful spouse or is it better to start a new life, then honest answers to some questions will help resolve doubts:

1. Do you really think that happiness awaits you in the future with your spouse?
2. Are you ready to draw some lessons from the difficult situation in which your marriage finds itself?
3. Are you ready to learn and change, take your relationship to the next level?
4. Are you ready to completely forgive your spouse and not reproach him for further life together?

If all questions were answered yes, then fight for the relationship. If at least one answer is negative, do not cling to the past. Start a new life.

Husbands who have gone to their mistress often ask to return. How long will the romance on the side last? Let's analyze the stages of the relationship between husband and mistress.

Unfortunately, not all men realize that cheating can destroy a family forever. Sometimes understanding comes only after the betrayal has already been discovered, the wife does not want to have anything to do with the person who cheated on her.

Of course, this happens very often. However, let's not get ahead of ourselves. First you need to understand that any relationship goes through several stages.

For example, the first stage is when two people notice each other. This is the stage of potential accumulation, when people look closely at each other, trying to understand whether they like them, whether there can be something between them.

The most annoying thing is that the flash often does not occur in 3 seconds. For some, momentum is enough, but many men admit that their passion has been fueled for years, and sometimes even decades.

Will the husband return to the family from his mistress if he has been planning his “escape” for years? Complex issue.

How long does it take for husbands to return from their mistresses?

The stage when everything is fine, the world looks nice, and butterflies flutter in the stomach lasts about 3-4 months. During this period of time, the potential of the candy-bouquet period passes. There is still no time for everyday trifles, no time for solving some real problems. A man tries to look macho in the eyes of the opposite sex
capable of any feat.

After a few months, many feel that they have played enough. Now they understand that the candy-bouquet period cannot last forever. Not too hardy men may show the first signs of a desire to return to their former lives. When the husband returns from his mistress, you can understand by this "saturation" of his novel on the side.

This is pressure from the girl with a request to decide on a relationship.

To be honest, few people are satisfied with the role of a mistress. For many girls, this is humiliating, and therefore they put pressure on a man, trying to get a clear answer and promises for the future. Moreover, the promises must be quite specific. For example, a mistress can fish out a promise to divorce no later than a month later.

The husband went to his mistress, and you do not know when he will return? At this stage, he may already be thinking about returning to the family, because not every man will divorce his wife, and even more so promise to marry someone again.

When women ask how long it takes for a husband to return from his mistress, I would like to answer that after six months or a year at most, but in fact, not everything is so simple.

When your husband returns from his mistress, only your husband knows.

It all depends on what kind of relationship people are in. We can only say that often after 4-5 months of relationship (if the husband has not yet returned back), a difficult period begins. If your husband does not want to rush headlong into the maelstrom of a new relationship and understands that it was a mistake, then he will not marry.

There comes a period when he tells his mistress that he will call her back. Or he says that the moment will happen when he will settle everything, and they will be happy together again. At this time, he himself is negotiating with his wife and probing the soil.

Will the husband return to the family from his mistress,

depends largely on where there is less pressure on it.

In the final stage, when he decides to "call back later," pressure from his wife may, on the contrary, decide the case in favor of the family.

Everything is individual. And therefore it is impossible to unequivocally determine after what time the husbands return from their mistresses. We can only say unequivocally that all stages of betrayal are unpleasant and, wait, hope for a return sometime loved one to the family is humiliating.

Discord in the family happens often, marital relations are a complicated matter. It is difficult to advise here, but many girls fall into deep despair when they realize that the husband has gone to his mistress and this is no longer an ordinary quarrel. Therefore, we decided to nevertheless give a few recommendations so that you do not lose heart.